Two ~ Learning to Listen

Yesterday we took a moment to ourselves to try to find that inner voice.  Today we touch bases again and learn to listen.


How did it go yesterday?  Were you able to find your voice?  With all of the holiday noise going on, I struggled a little.  It seems that there is always something to do and even when its quiet, the noise in my head is so loud.  I was able to escape into a quiet inner moment and my inner voice was so happy to see me.   I could literally feel the joy inside.

Learning to Listen

..."Money, power and prestige are not synonymous with happiness.  (what?!?!?)  However, as we all know - it doesn't mean we live in bliss if we DON'T have them, but it also doesn't mean we ARE happy if we DO have them - they don't bring us lasting happiness ON THEIR OWN.  Money, power and prestige are like cars that we can use to drive us towards happiness.  But if we are just driving around, not knowing where we are supposed to be going then we won't arrive at our destination, and we might get very frustrated and lost.  It is a bit ointless spending all our time and effor in upgrading and improving our cars, without actually knowing where we are planning to drive them.

By learning to listen to our inner voice, we'll be turning on the GPS navigation system in our car.  Our deep reflective quiet voice will lead us towards happiness.  Listening to our quiet voice is not escaping into our thoughts; it is bringing our thoughts out into the open.  The quiet voice is always there, and is talking to us - we just need to tune in and it will guide us towards a life of bliss."  (Warren, 2010, p 333 KV)

 Steal a quiet moment today and find your inner voice.  "What can I do today to increase the levels of joy I feel in my life?"  now wait...

Write down your answer!

This is about learning to listen.    We really do know what we need, if we can take time to listen.  

"In order to develop our creativity and ability to think outside the box of current problems and existence, we need to free our mind from the humdrum routine of life that we constantly preoccupy ourselves with.  When we take the time to teach ourselves to slow down, relax and reflect, we can then start using that amazing gift of our brain to help us.  With deep reflective thought we can actually come up with most of the answers to all of our problems.  So instead of suffering our problems we can use our brain to solve our problems."  (Warren, 2010, p 355 KV)

Today is a brand new day.  Go knock its socks off!  See you tomorrow!

 Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

One ~ Getting in Touch

Today we begin our journey into the 7 Ancient Keys to Happiness.  This is a 90 day guide to achieving inner-bliss.  This book is by S. Warren and is available through Amazon here:

7 Ancient Keys to Happiness

Or here for a FREE Kindle download:

FREE Kindle Version of 7 Ancient Keys to Happiness

The book is divided into 3 main principles:

• SMELL EVERY ROSE - See the good in everything
• CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN - Judge things objectively
• LOVE EVERY DAY - Love yourself

Here we go!

 

Getting in touch

Take a moment to think about your day, start to finish.

• Where did you go?
• What did you do?
• Did you accomplish anything?
• Did you forget something?
• What did you eat?
• ARE YOU HAPPY?

Sit with those questions.  Now focus on the last one.  ARE YOU HAPPY?  Who is answering that question?  Is it the selfish you, or that teeny tiny voice deep down inside that really knows what its talking about?

 We want to get in touch with that little voice inside.  In fact, we want to embrace that little voice and pay close attention to it.  "Tapping into how we think is the beginning of self-knowledge.  Once we understand how we work, we can then manipulate, control and use our inherent awesome powers to have a wonderful life." (Warren, 2010, p 274 KV)

Find a quiet spot, or maybe you are most centered somewhere noisy.  It is a different place for each of us, go there and just be.

Am I happy?

There is only one you.  In order to take better care of yourself you will need to find out who you are and what your needs are.  Warren states " Each person has internal care instructions for themselves hard wired into their personality, which means each person in this world has the ability to find out who they are and how to maximize their potential.  The care instructions are deep within us, embedded in our consciousness, intuition or felt at times of inspiration."

Our first step towards achieving inner bliss is to recognize that we have that deep intuitive self and becoming best friends with our truths.   Reading, hearing, believing are short term commitments.  Take that first step and spend 15 minutes with yourself.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

If you have stumbled upon the blog and wish to join us on Facebook for the group portion, we'd love to have you:

1.  LIKE us on Facebook:  Chicken Soup Sandwich Facebook Page

2.  Click on this link to join the event:  Achieving Inner Bliss Event

3.  Click "Join Group" to begin your journey:  Join the Facebook Group

Achieving Inner Bliss

What is it about the last day of the year that stirs something inside of us?  Maybe for you, its the feeling that something big is coming in 2013.  Or maybe you're wondering why people bother getting all excited for the new year.

2013 will be just exactly what you want it to be.  There's so many inspirational quotes...

If you believe it you can achieve it...

Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right...

The list goes on and on.

What is it that you want from 2013?  What did you want from 2012?  Did you get what you wanted?  Are you where you wanted to be?  Was it just another year for you?  Nothing exciting?  Maybe it was amazing... maybe it was the best year of your life.  Or perhaps it was pretty average with a few amazing moments scattered about.  Or did it just plain suck?

I say its time to declare what you want from 2013.  Claim it, proclaim it and lets go get it!

We are starting a movement towards achieving inner bliss.  It is a 90 day  guide presented from the book:

7 Ancient Keys to Happiness by S. Warren

1.  LIKE us on Facebook:  Chicken Soup Sandwich Facebook Page

2.  Click on this link to join the event:    Achieving Inner Bliss Event

3.  Click "Join Group" to begin your journey:  Join the Facebook Group
 
4.  Not a Facebook User?  That's ok... you can participate through our blog:  Chicken Soup Sandwich

Are you a leader?

I am still enjoying the "nuggets of the book "40 Leadership Nuggets of Wisdom to Live By ~ by Stephan Nellas

The only motivation of leading is so that others will be blessed and become leaders themselves. ~ Stephen Nellas

You see it all the time, people that are leaders and no one likes them or respects them.  These leaders generally don't go anywhere.  They are stuck in the same spot forever.  They have employees come and go and they think its because they can't find "good" people.

Reality is, they are not a good leader.  A leader wants to lead people so that they can learn and grow and eventually lead others.  A good leader is likable and personable and makes you feel like they care.  If you can't relate to your team, your team will never be a strong one.  A leader wants his team to aspire to be like him and be remembered no matter where they go.

Are you a leader?  Are you likable?  Do you have a personal relationship with each member of your team.  It is true that there is a line to stay clear of with your team, but you need to know them, know about their families, and know what they like to do for fun outside of work.

If you are to be successful in leading your team has to feel like they can come to you in a time of need and that you will listen.  Does your team trust you or fear you?  Leading by fear will never work.  Your team members are people with their own individual lives outside of the work place.  If you can find a way to respect them individually, they will respect you as well.

Respect fosters trust and accountability.  If your team feels you are committed to them succeeding, they will feel a sense of loyalty and they will want to follow you until you are ready to nurture them into their own leadership. 

You will run into the few people that just want to take from you, but if you are a listener and you are watching your team, you will see it from the start and stop it.  People will be who you want them to be if you are willing to nurture that relationship.  Be the mirror for them to watch and grow.

The success in leadership is in watching your team succeed and grow and build their own team.

Do you value yourself?

Another tidbit from 40 Leadership Nuggets of Wisdom to Live by:

A leader thinks about the welfare of others, but that doesn't mean he fails to think about himself.  ~ Stephen Nellas

A leader loves himself that is why he can afford to love others.  He has a healthy self-love that emanates from his very person.  His self-esteem makes him act confidently in the midst of other people and of other leaders.  He is someone who takes care of himself and does everything that would let him improve as a person and as a leader.  (Nellas, S. I. (2012). 40 Leadership Nuggets of Wisdom to Live By)


If you are to be a leader, you must be able to lead yourself.  If you are not confident in your own abilities then you cannot successfully lead another.  You see it all the time, people are put into a leadership role when they truly are not leaders.  Whatever reason it is that they are put there, perhaps in hopes that they will develop some leadership qualities.

Do you think that you can just plant someone and expect them to grow or should they receive training in order to grow into the position and then be placed there.  I think there are people that are able to learn on the fly, but not everyone is able to do this.  If a person with little leadership ability or experience is put in this position and feels insecure about it, I think they have a great risk of failure.  This isn't good for anyone.

I have found that it is really easy to take care of others.  I can lead if need be.  If I can find something that I believe in, I will lead it into battle if I have to.  Are you a leader?  Do you value yourself?

Today I am Thankful

What is it about the first day of the month?  It's a fresh new month and I am filled with ambition to do something new and exciting.  Let's make some changes!  Why wait for the new year, why not now?  You know what I'm talking about.  The excitement lasts a couple days and we're back to our day to day boredom.  I say let's make that change.

November is the month that we have Thanksgiving.  I had an idea this morning that I messaged my boyfriend about.  Let's be thankful everyday.  At dinnertime each night, lets share something that we are thankful for.  Who wants to join me?  If you've taken a moment to read this blog, then why don't you join me?  Go to our Facebook page and join us.

This is your life, what are you thankful for?  I intend to take some time in the morning with myself and focus on what I'm thankful for.  Please join me and share what you're thankful for!

Leadership Points to Ponder

I have found a new book that I LOVE!  It is 40 Leadership Nuggets to Live by ~ By Stephen I Nellas

I am not a reader.  I have always disliked reading and can't seem to focus on the words because my mind is running wild.  I'm not sure what happened.  Ever since I got my Kindle, I have become a reader!  I love it!  This is my latest find and I wanted to share some of the amazing things that I have found in this book.

First and foremost, his first nugget is about doing what you are asking people to do.  My ex-husband was in the car business for most of the 17 years that we were together.  I know what you're thinking... a car salesman... YUCK.  Well, he was one of those people that you just trusted and he was known for getting you a good fair deal, so he did pretty well for himself.  One of the things that he claimed was a reason for his success as he managed others was that he didn't ask anyone to do anything that he wasn't willing to do himself.  Enough about him and back to the book.

A leader is first and foremost a follower. ~ Stephen I. Nellas

The first thing that he follows is his own word; he practices what he preaches.  Following is always a trait of great leaders.  The leader will not ask anyone to do anything he will not do himself.  He is a person who values the principles of obedience and humility.  He knows that there are people who are genuinely better than he is, and he knows that he is also better than other people in specific things.  (Nellas, S. I. (2012). 40 Leadership Nuggets of Wisdom to Live By)

Who do you follow?

Do you follow them because you respect them?  Or because you fear them?

Are people following you?

Day Thirty Two - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

32.  Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful!

This is a tough call for anyone that has trouble getting rid of anything.  I have to admit that I used to be a hoarder.  It's true.  I was obsessed with finding a good deal on things and then buying them and selling them on eBay.  I know what you're thinking.... its good to make a profit.  Well, yes, it is.  I couldn't stop buying though.  I had this great office in the house that I bought shelves for and just filled them up.  Then I got shelves in the garage and filled those up.  I did make some money on a lot of the stuff, but there was so much stuff.

Let's be clear.  If you are going to buy and sell stuff and you are actually selling and making a profit, then this can be a healthy process.  It is the point where your buying becomes personal and you're buying craft stuff for the kids... more craft stuff than you will ever ever ever use....

Enough about me.

All that stuff is unnecessary.  (the stuff that you can't possibly use in your lifetime)  It was something else.  I had problems with my marriage and I wasn't happy.  Somehow buying things filled the void.  Did it fix the marriage problems?  Heck no.  In  fact, it probably added to them.  My point ~  if you are accumulating things for whatever reason, there is a problem.  It's time to dig deep and see what the underlying issue is.  You don't wanna be on the next episode of hoarders, do you?

This can actually pertain to people in your life, as well.  Take a good hard look at your life and those around you.  Do you have excess stuff or people that are wasting your time, space and/or energy.  Get rid of them.  Take an inventory of your home and your life and figure out what you don't need.  Does it bring you joy?  Does it make you happy?  If it doesn't, let it go.  Find a needy family or donate it to  a local thrift store.  You may find joy in getting rid of it and helping someone in need.

Its time to fill your life with joy.  What do you want in your life?  Let's look at that! 

Day Thirty One - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

31.  Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends will.  Stay in touch with them.

I wonder how many times I've said this in my life.  It's not just your friends, its your family and  your kids and your spouse or significant other.  It is so easy to get caught up in the importance of your job.  Don't get me wrong!  Your job is important.  Without it how do you pay your bills?  You don't.  A job is very important, not only in aiding the payment of debts, but also to your mental state.  There is a huge sense of accomplishment and importance involved in having the ability to support yourself.

The key is to find the balance between doing well and being a dedicated employee but also finding the time to be a good husband, father, uncle, brother and friend.  You see how I did that?  Yes, it also pertains to women.  We need to be a good mother, wife, aunt, grandma and friend.  I'm not perfect.  I don't even aspire to be perfect.

I was in a 17 year relationship where I was second to the job, sometimes even third or fourth.  He felt that he was providing for us so that was his part of the deal.  Newsflash!!!  I love that he wanted to support his family, there are lots of men that don't.  But.... (and that's a BIG but) we always wanted him, not the money.  I'm not stupid, we needed the bills paid, but we didn't need the lavish vacations and adventures, we needed him.

He wasn't available to us.  So, we accepted the adventures and wished he was with us.  The sad thing is that when we could convince him to come with us, he was no fun.  He was grumpy and took a half dozen phone calls and you could tell he would just rather be somewhere else.  We stopped asking him to come along so we wouldn't disrupt him.

The sad thing is when you have to sit your kids down and tell them that you are divorcing their Dad and the oldest (of the two that are still at home) isn't surprised.   He was absent, even when he was home, he was absent.  We did everything that we knew how to do to make him happy, but he just wasn't.  

This applies to any relationship.  If you are unable to maintain relationships because of your job, you have a problem.   If you come home from work and wish you had someone to talk to, think about who you used to talk to.  Where are they now?  Why aren't they available to talk with anymore?  It may hurt to realize that you kind of deserted that relationship for your job.

We need human contact.  We need a friend.  We need someone to just sit and listen to us when we need to ramble.  We need someone to laugh at us when we say something really stupid.  Take a look around you right now and who is it that you can talk to, or maybe even just sit with and be?  

If you have people that have drifted away, figure out how to fix it.  Obviously, I'm not talking about abusive friends or people that the relationship wasn't healthy.  I'm talking about the people that loved you for you and stood there waiting for you to turn around and take their hand again.   Those are the people that matter.   There's a good chance they are hoping that you'll come back someday.  Do it today!

 

Day Thirty - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

30.  However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Obviously, we prefer the good situations, but in the real world, situations are bad, in fact, some situations just plain suck.  If you're like me, you just let it sit for awhile until you figure out how the heck to get back up out of the mess you're sitting in.  I guess the one thing that I try to remember is that - this is temporary.  Life moves right along and I can choose to sit in this mess, or I can figure out how to get out of it.

•  Let go of the assumption that the world is against you, or that you were born with a gray cloud over your head. It is an assumption that has no basis in reason or science. Sometimes we pick up a flair for pessimism from a parent who made negative assumptions about the world somewhere along the line. Either way, the sooner you can attribute your pessimism to a unique set of circumstances rather than the state of the world itself, the easier it'll be to change your perspective.
•  Understand that the past does not equal the future. Just because you've experienced pain or disappointment in the past it does not mean that what starts badly will end badly. Do not make a bad start turn into a self fulfilling prophecy for a bad ending.
•  See yourself as a cause, not an effect. You don't have to be a product or a victim of your circumstances. Stop thinking about what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen. If you're not happy with the way your life is now, set goals and move on. Use your past negative experiences to build character and make better decisions. Life involves taking many risks every day, and not all of them will end positively. That's what defines risk. But the flip side is that some actions will lead to good results, and it's generally better to have a mixed bag than to have nothing at all. Ideally, the good stuff will outweigh the bad, but you'll never reach that point unless you put yourself out there and hope.
•  Use positive affirmations. Write down short statements that remind you of what you're trying to change about the way you see the world. Put them in places where you'll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, on your computer monitor, and even taped to your shower wall. 
• Remember that life is short. When you feel pessimism clouding your judgment or you start to feel down about the future, remind yourself that every minute counts, and any time spent brooding guarantees nothing but less time to enjoy whatever life might have to offer. At its core, pessimism is impractical because it causes you to spend time dwelling on things that haven't happened yet and aren't guaranteed to happen, and it prevents you from getting things done. Pessimism breeds indecision. It's a waste of time, and time is a limited resource that you can't afford to take for granted.
•  Be a balanced optimist. Nobody is suggesting that you become an oblivious Pollyanna, pretending that nothing bad can or ever will happen. Doing so can lead to poor decisions and invites people to take advantage of you. Instead, be a rational optimist who takes the good with the bad, in hopes of the good ultimately outweighing the bad, and with the understanding that being pessimistic about everything accomplishes nothing. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best - the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist.

These tips were provided by: 

How to Be Optimistic,  Edited by Krystle C. and 95 others

 

 

Day Twenty nine - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

29.  Time heals everything.  Give time, time!

Time Heals All Wounds, or Does It?

Time doesn't heal, it's what you DO with the time that does. 

Published on April 24, 2008 by Worth Kilcrease, MBA, MA, LPC, FT in The Journey Ahead

 

As a counselor who specializes in end-of-life and bereavement matters, I often hear of people giving bereaved people advice similar to “you just need some time, after all ‘time heals all wounds.’” It is as if these well-meaning people are saying: “Just sit back and in time you’ll no longer have the sadness, anguish, yearning, guilt, anger, and fear you’re feeling now. They’ll fade away, and you’ll be fine.” Wow! What an interesting concept! But wait a minute, that approach to grieving raises a couple of questions. First, how long is “some time” - two months, one year, two years, five years? The second question is why doesn’t this apply to the rest of our lives? After all, we have to look for a new job, search for the right house, study to get through school. Even if we want to win the lottery, we still have to buy the ticket. We have to take the initiative to do something to cause something else to happen. Is grief different? Can it really be true that time alone is enough for grief to go away? I don’t think so and let me give you an example why.

Last year, a bright, highly-educated, articulate young woman came into my office six years after her father had suddenly died. My new client told me she was working two jobs, one of which was heading up a new company she had started. She described how she had found it very difficult to talk, or even think, about her father without bursting into tears. To keep herself “under control,” she kept herself frantically busy. She threw herself into her work, taking on tasks others wouldn’t do, answering email and writing proposals until late at night, and traveling on most weekends. At home, she spent hours cleaning and straightening up her apartment so it looked like a picture out of a magazine. One thing she did that really irritated her new fiancee was that she spent hours folding and re-folding towels and then aligning and realigning them in the linen closet until they were just right. She was doing whatever she could to distract herself from acknowledging what she already knew - her father had died. She was running from her grief.

She finally realized she had to do something because she couldn’t continue this way after she married and had children. Her first attempt at addressing her situation was to attend a Loss of Parent bereavement support group. However, she could go only once. As she later told me, she was embarrassed that she was in the same place in her mourning as others whose parent had died only six months earlier. It was as if her mourning had gone no further from where it was 5.5 years ago. She was stuck, and no more time would have eased or erased her grief. Time had done nothing for her; time had NOT been her friend.

After six months of counseling she worked through what she had been running from for over 5 years and found peace with her father’s death. Her frantic behaviors have ceased and now, she is a fully functioning young woman with plans for getting married next year.

The point here, though, is that time does NOT heal all wounds. A more apt saying is “IT’S WHAT YOU DO WITH THE TIME THAT HEALS.” Like any other aspect of life, mourning is an active, working process, not a passive one.

Day Twenty Eight - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

28.  What other people think of you is none of your business!

I love this one.  How do you train yourself to let go of what they say and listen to your own inner self?

 
You may be aware that in life, most things typically exist on two levels. To succeed at relationships for example, you must fix your inner game – your self confidence, maturity, self esteem. You’ve also got to fix your outer game – your conversation skills, your appearance, your lifestyle. The reason most people get stuck when they try to stop caring what other people think is because we don’t realize that in order to do so, there are things you have to handle with your inner game, and there are things you have to handle with your outer game.

Your Inner Game:

1. Stop making imaginary reasons why people won’t like you.

Until someone has explicitly told you that they don’t like you, caring what other people think is like trying to be a mind reader – and that’s crazy. How can you know what the other person thinks without getting confirmation?
Even if you DID have a clue what “other people” thought about you, what does that matter? What other people think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

2. Be prepared to accept the worst case scenario.

If you’re worried about what someone else might think of you, often times it’s because you imagine a negative outcome for being honest.
Now unless you’ve acted in a crummy way to this person, chances are you can handle the worst case scenario. Most people are extremely bad at estimating how bad something will be. In order to get over this fear, rehearse this scenario in your head. Come to the place where you can accept it if it happens.

3. Get in touch with how you feel about yourself

If you’re obsessed with what other people think, could it be because you don’t think highly of yourself? Take a hard look in the mirror, and come to terms with who YOU are.
If you don’t like what you think of yourself, you must face it, and realize that that’s ok. Then you need to figure out what you need to do in order to start liking yourself again!
Do you need to make amends with somebody?
Do you need to be more disciplined in one area?
Or do you need to spoil yourself in another?
Do whatever you need to do so that you feel and believe in your own self respect.

Your Outer Game:

1. Make your opinion more important. Speak your mind, and assert boundaries

It’s almost impossible to simply “snap” and stop caring what other people think. This is because if you care what other people think, it’s because you’ve spent your life acting in a way that encourages you to care what other people think.
When you avoid speaking your mind freely for example, you force yourself to stay trapped by what other people think of you.
Here’s why:
Suppose someone offends you, but you just take it because you don’t want to cause trouble. You’ve essentially slapped your own face.
Anytime you hold your tongue, you train your mind to think “My opinion of myself doesn’t matter, but other person’s opinion of me does”.

2. Act based on what is right or wrong, not based on how much approval you get.

Most people are afraid to do what is right because they will lose friends in the process. Ironically, it is that person who can unapologetically act based on justice who is the most wildly popular person.
When you act based on what is right or wrong. You look to yourself, to determine your actions. When you act based on how much approval you get from other people, not only do you look to others to make decisions for you, terrible things can happen.
Can anyone say The Holocaust?
Acting based on right and wrong reinforces your self-respect.

3. Act based on what you think of yourself, not based on what you can get away with.

Have you ever cheated in your relationship? Have you ever stolen something?
It might feel like when you “got away” with it.
Like you’ve won. . .
But you pay a huge price for dishonesty.
When you act dishonorably, first, you establish a tone in your life where you spend time hiding the evidence of your evil deeds because you care what other people think – rather than walking around with your head held high.
Secondly, even if you get away with it in the short term, you know what you’ve done, and you know what you did was wrong. When you betray your mind like this you condition your mind to believe that your opinion of yourself is of no importance.
When you live like this, it’s impossible not to care what other people think.

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