Sixty three ~ Doing good leads to feeling good

Its a fact, when we do something good, it makes us feel good.  It sparks something inside of us, our feel good feeling.  We get a little high from doing good.  It is a simple pleasure in life to give pleasure or to relieve the pain of another.  Once we recognize when we do good, we need to retain that feeling of value.  Don't downplay it by saying "its no big deal."  It is a big deal.

Don't fall into the trap of "so what if I did something good?"  Pat yourself on the back, feel good about it.... go do it again.

• Do something good and kind for another person today, and then reflect back on how that made you feel.  Get in touch with how great you feel when you do something good.   
• Now, update your self-definition to incorporate the good that you just did.  Imagine someone asked you:  Who are you and what is your essence?  Prepare an answer by writing down a self definition with all of your good points at the top of the list.  Read your list.  Daily.  Update your list whenever you do something good and incorporate that into your self definition. 

It really is very simple.  Do good.  Value the good you did.  It's not arrogance, it is self-love.  You do make a difference in the world and in the lives of others.    Take the time to own it and feel it.

Sixty one ~ Priceless

How do you determine what something is worth?  It really depends on what people are willing to spend on it. 

8am - woke up, felt depressed, couldn't get up.

9am - got up, struggled off to work.

9 - 11:45am - worked like a slave to finish off the report and handed it in on time.

11:45 - 12:45pm - ate lunch at a nearby cafe while looking for a better job.

1pm - Boss called me in and said my report was awesome, best he'd ever seen.  He said I'm the greatest and called in the whole office to congratulate me on my efforts.

5pm - came home, had a great day, feel like such a success.

What a freaking roller coaster.... It happens though, doesn't it?

Someone noticed her hard work and then she felt value in herself.  Why do we need someone else to give us value?  Why can't we find and exhibit that in ourselves?  We need to learn to be proactive and praise ourselves.  One good thing is to remember that no one gives us value, we have to find it in ourselves.  On the other side, no one can take our value away from us either. 

Think of a time that you felt successful.

Now look and see that you still possess those abilities even when others aren't complementing you on them.  You are still valuable and good right now! 

Give yourself 3 honest compliments on what you did right today.

We all need compliments, we all need encouragement and we all need to be told that we are doing well.  We need to learn how to self generate compliments and how to pat ourselves on the back.  It is a good idea to compliment yourself AT LEAST 3 times a day.  We need it just like 3 meals a day!  If we skip a meal we start to feel slow and lethargic, the same goes for missing a dose of positive reinforcement.

Sixty ~ Feeling good about yourself

How do we learn to feel good about ourselves?

1)  External

Feeling good about yourself by doing things that make you feel good is the most common way people wok on self esteem.  There is a ton of literature on creating self esteem.  Setting and achieving goals is a good way to increase our self esteem, but it is a temporary fix, not a permanent one.  And what happens if we don't achieve that goal?

The main points to know about using external stimulus to build self esteem:

• Use it when you can - it will give you energy when you need it.
• Don't rely totally on your goals to determine your self worth
• Find an external stimulus that can be used repeatedly... an act of kindness every day.

2)  Internal

Work on developing a sense of self worth by learning how to appreciate who you already are.  Peel off the layers to who you really are and appreciate that person.   Love your inner self... your inner voice.  The more we can listen to our inner voice and act accordingly, the more we can become that inner voice, live and breathe that inner voice.

OK, it's time.... set an easily achievable goal and allow yourself until the end of the day to achieve it.  At the end of the day, pat yourself on the back for achieving that goal and internalize that good feeling due to your success.

This isn't something to do only when we need extra good energy, this is something to do everyday.  Build up your reserves and feel good about yourself everyday, all the time. 

Love Every Day

Once we've learned how to see the good in our lives and make a protective fence around that good, the next step is to foster and grow our inner-self so that a deep self love will flourish.  Cultivating happiness is like making a beautiful garden, the first step is to see that our garden plot is beautiful, has good soil and lots of potential, the second step is to erect a protective fence around our garden so wild animals don't come and trample it.  The third step is to maintain our garden by planting beautiful plants that will grow and flourish with time making our garden into the most exquisite island of paradise.  When we've successfully done all three steps then we have cultivated a glorious amount of happiness and inner bliss.

Lets continue the journey towards a blissful life by getting to know ourselves, finding out what really makes us happy, what drains us and to learn to LOVE the absolute beauty of being "me"  Once we have learned to recognize our greatness, to act in ways that make us feel good and to value ourselves as the great and wonderful person that we really are, then we will have opened up the gates of inner serenity, which is a very high level of happiness!

Getting to know ourselves is a lifelong process.  We are always changing and growing based on our experiences.  The more we learn about ourselves, the more we will come to truly love ourselves.  Self love is a necessity.   We know what is wrong with us, so we can't hide from ourselves.  It is a balance of accepting who we are despite our faults and loving "me" anyway.  Once we learn to look in the mirror and see "the real me" we will fall madly in love with ourselves.

Fifty nine ~ Lost Cause

There are givers and there are takers.  Takers will take just as much as you let them take and they won't understand when you stop, because what was wrong with them taking what you were giving them?  They aren't even grateful for the things that you give them.  They just expect it, and somehow rationalize that you have always given to them, so now you kind of owe them.

I'm sure you know where I'm going with this.  Those people aren't good for you.  We need to see clearly enough to see that they are bottomless pits of demands on us.  They won't ever appreciate us and what we give them.   And we're really not doing them a favor by giving.   It's time to say no.  And mean it. 

The same rules apply to our problems.  We need to know with 100% clarity that WE are the only ones who can be responsible for the problems we have, its no use blaming others.  We are the only one responsible for our mental well being.  We can't solve other people's problems, but we can solve our own.

1. Do you have a relationship where the other person refuses to take responsibility for his/her behavior?  If so, then what steps should you take to start freeing yourself from this burden (including how will you maintain your resolve in this matter?)
2. Ask yourself:  "Do I blame anybody for a lack of anything (money, success, good character traits, etc) in my life?"  If your quiet voice answers "yes", ask: "How can I start to take control of my own well being today?"

Taking responsibility of your own life, actions and consequences of our actions will empower us to change ourselves for the good.  Trying to take responsibility for the life, actions and consequences of the actions in someone else's life will drain us and will never cause the other person to change.

This exercise helps us to change what we can change and leave what we can't.  We can focus all our energy on what we can do and not waste it on thing we can't change.  (something I work on everyday!)

Go figure out where your vitality is being drained, plug up the holes and use that vitality to change your life into an unbelievably pleasurable existence!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Fifty seven ~ Occupational Health & Safety (OHS)

Watch out!  If you need to be here, put on your hard hat, if you don't need to be here, get out!

When businesses are involved with potentially dangerous situations, they have Occupational Health and Safety Officers to help assess how to minimise the risk of injury.  The OHS team comes up with a set of guidelines designed to protect the well being of all employees.  There are places in this world that should have a sign like "enter at your own risk."

When passing judgement on places we go to, we need to determine if these places are good for us or potentially dangerous.  We need to be in touch with ourselves enough to know what is dangerous and what isn't.  Look at your situation and weigh out each choice.  When we see that we are precious, we will protect ourselves from harmful situations. 

OK, let's get quiet again... do you remember how?  Or are you finding quiet time every day? 

Ask yourself   "What places/things should I really avoid because they drag me down?"

We all do self destructive things.  We have triggers to that self destructive mode.  If we want to be happy, we have to stop doing those things.  Avoid the triggers and steer clear of the negative.  This exercise helps us start to fight our wars with strategy.  It will help us identify things that WE KNOW are not good for us, and then plan how to AVOID THEM.  It's not courageous to pick a fight with the areas of our character that give us the most trouble.  It's much more courageous to admit we have a weakness and plan ways of working around it and avoid having to do battle with it all together.

 Be brave, look closely and carefully at yourself and see what it is that triggers the worst in you or drags you down - then with a great dose of self love and self acceptance - plan ways to avoid your triggers.

 

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform