Sixty four ~ The Pleasure of being In-Charge

It is kind of ironic that today I finally decide to get back to posting and it happens to be the day that we read about being in charge.  I haven't been in charge for weeks now :(

We love to be in control.  We love to push ourselves beyond what we believe to be our limits.  It brings a sense of accomplishment, our own little high  "look what I just did!!!"  We can also get this feeling from biting our tongues when we really want to say something mean and awful (even if its true).   When we do things that we know we shouldn't we get a sense of guilt, that certainly isn't an enjoyable adventure.  If we do something that we didn't want to, or say something we shouldn't have, we feel bad.

We are not doomed to act according to old negative habits, we can free ourselves from these patterns by deciding to be the "real me".  It isn't going to be easy, or instant.  When we do or say something negative, remind yourself  "that is the old me".  Pick yourself back up and do the right thing. 

Be the boss today!  Do something right!  React the way your "real me" wants to react.  Stop putting things off.  Enjoy the "real you"  today!

Once you recognize that part of you is tough, strong, disciplined and focused then we can act as that person.  This exercise will empower you to be the person you want to be.  Little by little, the more you try,  the sooner it will be natural.  You will have fewer regrets in life, better interpersonal relationships and a hugely upgraded level of self love!

Sixty three ~ Doing good leads to feeling good

Its a fact, when we do something good, it makes us feel good.  It sparks something inside of us, our feel good feeling.  We get a little high from doing good.  It is a simple pleasure in life to give pleasure or to relieve the pain of another.  Once we recognize when we do good, we need to retain that feeling of value.  Don't downplay it by saying "its no big deal."  It is a big deal.

Don't fall into the trap of "so what if I did something good?"  Pat yourself on the back, feel good about it.... go do it again.

• Do something good and kind for another person today, and then reflect back on how that made you feel.  Get in touch with how great you feel when you do something good.   
• Now, update your self-definition to incorporate the good that you just did.  Imagine someone asked you:  Who are you and what is your essence?  Prepare an answer by writing down a self definition with all of your good points at the top of the list.  Read your list.  Daily.  Update your list whenever you do something good and incorporate that into your self definition. 

It really is very simple.  Do good.  Value the good you did.  It's not arrogance, it is self-love.  You do make a difference in the world and in the lives of others.    Take the time to own it and feel it.

Sixty two ~ Inner Coach

This one will be the death of me....

We have an inner quiet voice, but we also have two inner noisy voices going on in our heads.  One noisy voice is the "I" voice - "I want... I will... I won't.... I don't want.."  This is the voice of desire, constantly wanting more or less of something, everything.

The other voice is the "you" voice - "You really should get up.  You are always late.  You shouldn't eat that.  You are fat."  This voice wants us to be the best we can be, it is our inner coach.  Both of these voices blab away at us talking constantly.  These noisy voices are superficial and shallow.

Now it's time to whip that inner coach into shape.  We want it to motivate us with positive talk.  We need to train that inner coach to speak to us in a way that we would like to be spoken to, to encourage ourselves to greater heights with positive words not with put downs.  Encouraging ourselves will morph into encouraging others and soon every thought and word will be positive and loving.

1. Listen to your noisy voices for a few days, learn how to identify the "I" voice and the "you" coach.
2. When your "you" voice tries to motivate you in a not so kind way, rephrase it in a positive motivating way... from "get up lazy" to "it's OK, go ahead and get up, once you're up, you'll feel better."

We have to live with ourselves 24/7.  Life will be so much more pleasant if its a positive happy self that we listen to.  It isn't just you, EVERYONE has these voices.   You have the choice to change those voices and make them positive happy ones.  You owe it to yourself to do this exercise. 

Sixty one ~ Priceless

How do you determine what something is worth?  It really depends on what people are willing to spend on it. 

8am - woke up, felt depressed, couldn't get up.

9am - got up, struggled off to work.

9 - 11:45am - worked like a slave to finish off the report and handed it in on time.

11:45 - 12:45pm - ate lunch at a nearby cafe while looking for a better job.

1pm - Boss called me in and said my report was awesome, best he'd ever seen.  He said I'm the greatest and called in the whole office to congratulate me on my efforts.

5pm - came home, had a great day, feel like such a success.

What a freaking roller coaster.... It happens though, doesn't it?

Someone noticed her hard work and then she felt value in herself.  Why do we need someone else to give us value?  Why can't we find and exhibit that in ourselves?  We need to learn to be proactive and praise ourselves.  One good thing is to remember that no one gives us value, we have to find it in ourselves.  On the other side, no one can take our value away from us either. 

Think of a time that you felt successful.

Now look and see that you still possess those abilities even when others aren't complementing you on them.  You are still valuable and good right now! 

Give yourself 3 honest compliments on what you did right today.

We all need compliments, we all need encouragement and we all need to be told that we are doing well.  We need to learn how to self generate compliments and how to pat ourselves on the back.  It is a good idea to compliment yourself AT LEAST 3 times a day.  We need it just like 3 meals a day!  If we skip a meal we start to feel slow and lethargic, the same goes for missing a dose of positive reinforcement.

Sixty ~ Feeling good about yourself

How do we learn to feel good about ourselves?

1)  External

Feeling good about yourself by doing things that make you feel good is the most common way people wok on self esteem.  There is a ton of literature on creating self esteem.  Setting and achieving goals is a good way to increase our self esteem, but it is a temporary fix, not a permanent one.  And what happens if we don't achieve that goal?

The main points to know about using external stimulus to build self esteem:

• Use it when you can - it will give you energy when you need it.
• Don't rely totally on your goals to determine your self worth
• Find an external stimulus that can be used repeatedly... an act of kindness every day.

2)  Internal

Work on developing a sense of self worth by learning how to appreciate who you already are.  Peel off the layers to who you really are and appreciate that person.   Love your inner self... your inner voice.  The more we can listen to our inner voice and act accordingly, the more we can become that inner voice, live and breathe that inner voice.

OK, it's time.... set an easily achievable goal and allow yourself until the end of the day to achieve it.  At the end of the day, pat yourself on the back for achieving that goal and internalize that good feeling due to your success.

This isn't something to do only when we need extra good energy, this is something to do everyday.  Build up your reserves and feel good about yourself everyday, all the time.