Achieving Inner Bliss

What is it about the last day of the year that stirs something inside of us?  Maybe for you, its the feeling that something big is coming in 2013.  Or maybe you're wondering why people bother getting all excited for the new year.

2013 will be just exactly what you want it to be.  There's so many inspirational quotes...

If you believe it you can achieve it...

Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right...

The list goes on and on.

What is it that you want from 2013?  What did you want from 2012?  Did you get what you wanted?  Are you where you wanted to be?  Was it just another year for you?  Nothing exciting?  Maybe it was amazing... maybe it was the best year of your life.  Or perhaps it was pretty average with a few amazing moments scattered about.  Or did it just plain suck?

I say its time to declare what you want from 2013.  Claim it, proclaim it and lets go get it!

We are starting a movement towards achieving inner bliss.  It is a 90 day  guide presented from the book:

7 Ancient Keys to Happiness by S. Warren

1.  LIKE us on Facebook:  Chicken Soup Sandwich Facebook Page

2.  Click on this link to join the event:    Achieving Inner Bliss Event

3.  Click "Join Group" to begin your journey:  Join the Facebook Group
 
4.  Not a Facebook User?  That's ok... you can participate through our blog:  Chicken Soup Sandwich

Are you a leader?

I am still enjoying the "nuggets of the book "40 Leadership Nuggets of Wisdom to Live By ~ by Stephan Nellas

The only motivation of leading is so that others will be blessed and become leaders themselves. ~ Stephen Nellas

You see it all the time, people that are leaders and no one likes them or respects them.  These leaders generally don't go anywhere.  They are stuck in the same spot forever.  They have employees come and go and they think its because they can't find "good" people.

Reality is, they are not a good leader.  A leader wants to lead people so that they can learn and grow and eventually lead others.  A good leader is likable and personable and makes you feel like they care.  If you can't relate to your team, your team will never be a strong one.  A leader wants his team to aspire to be like him and be remembered no matter where they go.

Are you a leader?  Are you likable?  Do you have a personal relationship with each member of your team.  It is true that there is a line to stay clear of with your team, but you need to know them, know about their families, and know what they like to do for fun outside of work.

If you are to be successful in leading your team has to feel like they can come to you in a time of need and that you will listen.  Does your team trust you or fear you?  Leading by fear will never work.  Your team members are people with their own individual lives outside of the work place.  If you can find a way to respect them individually, they will respect you as well.

Respect fosters trust and accountability.  If your team feels you are committed to them succeeding, they will feel a sense of loyalty and they will want to follow you until you are ready to nurture them into their own leadership. 

You will run into the few people that just want to take from you, but if you are a listener and you are watching your team, you will see it from the start and stop it.  People will be who you want them to be if you are willing to nurture that relationship.  Be the mirror for them to watch and grow.

The success in leadership is in watching your team succeed and grow and build their own team.

Do you value yourself?

Another tidbit from 40 Leadership Nuggets of Wisdom to Live by:

A leader thinks about the welfare of others, but that doesn't mean he fails to think about himself.  ~ Stephen Nellas

A leader loves himself that is why he can afford to love others.  He has a healthy self-love that emanates from his very person.  His self-esteem makes him act confidently in the midst of other people and of other leaders.  He is someone who takes care of himself and does everything that would let him improve as a person and as a leader.  (Nellas, S. I. (2012). 40 Leadership Nuggets of Wisdom to Live By)


If you are to be a leader, you must be able to lead yourself.  If you are not confident in your own abilities then you cannot successfully lead another.  You see it all the time, people are put into a leadership role when they truly are not leaders.  Whatever reason it is that they are put there, perhaps in hopes that they will develop some leadership qualities.

Do you think that you can just plant someone and expect them to grow or should they receive training in order to grow into the position and then be placed there.  I think there are people that are able to learn on the fly, but not everyone is able to do this.  If a person with little leadership ability or experience is put in this position and feels insecure about it, I think they have a great risk of failure.  This isn't good for anyone.

I have found that it is really easy to take care of others.  I can lead if need be.  If I can find something that I believe in, I will lead it into battle if I have to.  Are you a leader?  Do you value yourself?

Today I am Thankful

What is it about the first day of the month?  It's a fresh new month and I am filled with ambition to do something new and exciting.  Let's make some changes!  Why wait for the new year, why not now?  You know what I'm talking about.  The excitement lasts a couple days and we're back to our day to day boredom.  I say let's make that change.

November is the month that we have Thanksgiving.  I had an idea this morning that I messaged my boyfriend about.  Let's be thankful everyday.  At dinnertime each night, lets share something that we are thankful for.  Who wants to join me?  If you've taken a moment to read this blog, then why don't you join me?  Go to our Facebook page and join us.

This is your life, what are you thankful for?  I intend to take some time in the morning with myself and focus on what I'm thankful for.  Please join me and share what you're thankful for!

Leadership Points to Ponder

I have found a new book that I LOVE!  It is 40 Leadership Nuggets to Live by ~ By Stephen I Nellas

I am not a reader.  I have always disliked reading and can't seem to focus on the words because my mind is running wild.  I'm not sure what happened.  Ever since I got my Kindle, I have become a reader!  I love it!  This is my latest find and I wanted to share some of the amazing things that I have found in this book.

First and foremost, his first nugget is about doing what you are asking people to do.  My ex-husband was in the car business for most of the 17 years that we were together.  I know what you're thinking... a car salesman... YUCK.  Well, he was one of those people that you just trusted and he was known for getting you a good fair deal, so he did pretty well for himself.  One of the things that he claimed was a reason for his success as he managed others was that he didn't ask anyone to do anything that he wasn't willing to do himself.  Enough about him and back to the book.

A leader is first and foremost a follower. ~ Stephen I. Nellas

The first thing that he follows is his own word; he practices what he preaches.  Following is always a trait of great leaders.  The leader will not ask anyone to do anything he will not do himself.  He is a person who values the principles of obedience and humility.  He knows that there are people who are genuinely better than he is, and he knows that he is also better than other people in specific things.  (Nellas, S. I. (2012). 40 Leadership Nuggets of Wisdom to Live By)

Who do you follow?

Do you follow them because you respect them?  Or because you fear them?

Are people following you?

Day Thirty Two - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

32.  Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful!

This is a tough call for anyone that has trouble getting rid of anything.  I have to admit that I used to be a hoarder.  It's true.  I was obsessed with finding a good deal on things and then buying them and selling them on eBay.  I know what you're thinking.... its good to make a profit.  Well, yes, it is.  I couldn't stop buying though.  I had this great office in the house that I bought shelves for and just filled them up.  Then I got shelves in the garage and filled those up.  I did make some money on a lot of the stuff, but there was so much stuff.

Let's be clear.  If you are going to buy and sell stuff and you are actually selling and making a profit, then this can be a healthy process.  It is the point where your buying becomes personal and you're buying craft stuff for the kids... more craft stuff than you will ever ever ever use....

Enough about me.

All that stuff is unnecessary.  (the stuff that you can't possibly use in your lifetime)  It was something else.  I had problems with my marriage and I wasn't happy.  Somehow buying things filled the void.  Did it fix the marriage problems?  Heck no.  In  fact, it probably added to them.  My point ~  if you are accumulating things for whatever reason, there is a problem.  It's time to dig deep and see what the underlying issue is.  You don't wanna be on the next episode of hoarders, do you?

This can actually pertain to people in your life, as well.  Take a good hard look at your life and those around you.  Do you have excess stuff or people that are wasting your time, space and/or energy.  Get rid of them.  Take an inventory of your home and your life and figure out what you don't need.  Does it bring you joy?  Does it make you happy?  If it doesn't, let it go.  Find a needy family or donate it to  a local thrift store.  You may find joy in getting rid of it and helping someone in need.

Its time to fill your life with joy.  What do you want in your life?  Let's look at that! 

Day Thirty One - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

31.  Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.  Your friends will.  Stay in touch with them.

I wonder how many times I've said this in my life.  It's not just your friends, its your family and  your kids and your spouse or significant other.  It is so easy to get caught up in the importance of your job.  Don't get me wrong!  Your job is important.  Without it how do you pay your bills?  You don't.  A job is very important, not only in aiding the payment of debts, but also to your mental state.  There is a huge sense of accomplishment and importance involved in having the ability to support yourself.

The key is to find the balance between doing well and being a dedicated employee but also finding the time to be a good husband, father, uncle, brother and friend.  You see how I did that?  Yes, it also pertains to women.  We need to be a good mother, wife, aunt, grandma and friend.  I'm not perfect.  I don't even aspire to be perfect.

I was in a 17 year relationship where I was second to the job, sometimes even third or fourth.  He felt that he was providing for us so that was his part of the deal.  Newsflash!!!  I love that he wanted to support his family, there are lots of men that don't.  But.... (and that's a BIG but) we always wanted him, not the money.  I'm not stupid, we needed the bills paid, but we didn't need the lavish vacations and adventures, we needed him.

He wasn't available to us.  So, we accepted the adventures and wished he was with us.  The sad thing is that when we could convince him to come with us, he was no fun.  He was grumpy and took a half dozen phone calls and you could tell he would just rather be somewhere else.  We stopped asking him to come along so we wouldn't disrupt him.

The sad thing is when you have to sit your kids down and tell them that you are divorcing their Dad and the oldest (of the two that are still at home) isn't surprised.   He was absent, even when he was home, he was absent.  We did everything that we knew how to do to make him happy, but he just wasn't.  

This applies to any relationship.  If you are unable to maintain relationships because of your job, you have a problem.   If you come home from work and wish you had someone to talk to, think about who you used to talk to.  Where are they now?  Why aren't they available to talk with anymore?  It may hurt to realize that you kind of deserted that relationship for your job.

We need human contact.  We need a friend.  We need someone to just sit and listen to us when we need to ramble.  We need someone to laugh at us when we say something really stupid.  Take a look around you right now and who is it that you can talk to, or maybe even just sit with and be?  

If you have people that have drifted away, figure out how to fix it.  Obviously, I'm not talking about abusive friends or people that the relationship wasn't healthy.  I'm talking about the people that loved you for you and stood there waiting for you to turn around and take their hand again.   Those are the people that matter.   There's a good chance they are hoping that you'll come back someday.  Do it today!

 

Day Thirty - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

30.  However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

Obviously, we prefer the good situations, but in the real world, situations are bad, in fact, some situations just plain suck.  If you're like me, you just let it sit for awhile until you figure out how the heck to get back up out of the mess you're sitting in.  I guess the one thing that I try to remember is that - this is temporary.  Life moves right along and I can choose to sit in this mess, or I can figure out how to get out of it.

•  Let go of the assumption that the world is against you, or that you were born with a gray cloud over your head. It is an assumption that has no basis in reason or science. Sometimes we pick up a flair for pessimism from a parent who made negative assumptions about the world somewhere along the line. Either way, the sooner you can attribute your pessimism to a unique set of circumstances rather than the state of the world itself, the easier it'll be to change your perspective.
•  Understand that the past does not equal the future. Just because you've experienced pain or disappointment in the past it does not mean that what starts badly will end badly. Do not make a bad start turn into a self fulfilling prophecy for a bad ending.
•  See yourself as a cause, not an effect. You don't have to be a product or a victim of your circumstances. Stop thinking about what is happening to you and start thinking about what you can make happen. If you're not happy with the way your life is now, set goals and move on. Use your past negative experiences to build character and make better decisions. Life involves taking many risks every day, and not all of them will end positively. That's what defines risk. But the flip side is that some actions will lead to good results, and it's generally better to have a mixed bag than to have nothing at all. Ideally, the good stuff will outweigh the bad, but you'll never reach that point unless you put yourself out there and hope.
•  Use positive affirmations. Write down short statements that remind you of what you're trying to change about the way you see the world. Put them in places where you'll see them every day, such as on your bathroom mirror, the inside of your locker, on your computer monitor, and even taped to your shower wall. 
• Remember that life is short. When you feel pessimism clouding your judgment or you start to feel down about the future, remind yourself that every minute counts, and any time spent brooding guarantees nothing but less time to enjoy whatever life might have to offer. At its core, pessimism is impractical because it causes you to spend time dwelling on things that haven't happened yet and aren't guaranteed to happen, and it prevents you from getting things done. Pessimism breeds indecision. It's a waste of time, and time is a limited resource that you can't afford to take for granted.
•  Be a balanced optimist. Nobody is suggesting that you become an oblivious Pollyanna, pretending that nothing bad can or ever will happen. Doing so can lead to poor decisions and invites people to take advantage of you. Instead, be a rational optimist who takes the good with the bad, in hopes of the good ultimately outweighing the bad, and with the understanding that being pessimistic about everything accomplishes nothing. Prepare for the worst but hope for the best - the former makes you sensible, and the latter makes you an optimist.

These tips were provided by: 

How to Be Optimistic,  Edited by Krystle C. and 95 others

 

 

Day Twenty nine - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

29.  Time heals everything.  Give time, time!

Time Heals All Wounds, or Does It?

Time doesn't heal, it's what you DO with the time that does. 

Published on April 24, 2008 by Worth Kilcrease, MBA, MA, LPC, FT in The Journey Ahead

 

As a counselor who specializes in end-of-life and bereavement matters, I often hear of people giving bereaved people advice similar to “you just need some time, after all ‘time heals all wounds.’” It is as if these well-meaning people are saying: “Just sit back and in time you’ll no longer have the sadness, anguish, yearning, guilt, anger, and fear you’re feeling now. They’ll fade away, and you’ll be fine.” Wow! What an interesting concept! But wait a minute, that approach to grieving raises a couple of questions. First, how long is “some time” - two months, one year, two years, five years? The second question is why doesn’t this apply to the rest of our lives? After all, we have to look for a new job, search for the right house, study to get through school. Even if we want to win the lottery, we still have to buy the ticket. We have to take the initiative to do something to cause something else to happen. Is grief different? Can it really be true that time alone is enough for grief to go away? I don’t think so and let me give you an example why.

Last year, a bright, highly-educated, articulate young woman came into my office six years after her father had suddenly died. My new client told me she was working two jobs, one of which was heading up a new company she had started. She described how she had found it very difficult to talk, or even think, about her father without bursting into tears. To keep herself “under control,” she kept herself frantically busy. She threw herself into her work, taking on tasks others wouldn’t do, answering email and writing proposals until late at night, and traveling on most weekends. At home, she spent hours cleaning and straightening up her apartment so it looked like a picture out of a magazine. One thing she did that really irritated her new fiancee was that she spent hours folding and re-folding towels and then aligning and realigning them in the linen closet until they were just right. She was doing whatever she could to distract herself from acknowledging what she already knew - her father had died. She was running from her grief.

She finally realized she had to do something because she couldn’t continue this way after she married and had children. Her first attempt at addressing her situation was to attend a Loss of Parent bereavement support group. However, she could go only once. As she later told me, she was embarrassed that she was in the same place in her mourning as others whose parent had died only six months earlier. It was as if her mourning had gone no further from where it was 5.5 years ago. She was stuck, and no more time would have eased or erased her grief. Time had done nothing for her; time had NOT been her friend.

After six months of counseling she worked through what she had been running from for over 5 years and found peace with her father’s death. Her frantic behaviors have ceased and now, she is a fully functioning young woman with plans for getting married next year.

The point here, though, is that time does NOT heal all wounds. A more apt saying is “IT’S WHAT YOU DO WITH THE TIME THAT HEALS.” Like any other aspect of life, mourning is an active, working process, not a passive one.

Day Twenty Eight - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

28.  What other people think of you is none of your business!

I love this one.  How do you train yourself to let go of what they say and listen to your own inner self?

 
You may be aware that in life, most things typically exist on two levels. To succeed at relationships for example, you must fix your inner game – your self confidence, maturity, self esteem. You’ve also got to fix your outer game – your conversation skills, your appearance, your lifestyle. The reason most people get stuck when they try to stop caring what other people think is because we don’t realize that in order to do so, there are things you have to handle with your inner game, and there are things you have to handle with your outer game.

Your Inner Game:

1. Stop making imaginary reasons why people won’t like you.

Until someone has explicitly told you that they don’t like you, caring what other people think is like trying to be a mind reader – and that’s crazy. How can you know what the other person thinks without getting confirmation?
Even if you DID have a clue what “other people” thought about you, what does that matter? What other people think of you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

2. Be prepared to accept the worst case scenario.

If you’re worried about what someone else might think of you, often times it’s because you imagine a negative outcome for being honest.
Now unless you’ve acted in a crummy way to this person, chances are you can handle the worst case scenario. Most people are extremely bad at estimating how bad something will be. In order to get over this fear, rehearse this scenario in your head. Come to the place where you can accept it if it happens.

3. Get in touch with how you feel about yourself

If you’re obsessed with what other people think, could it be because you don’t think highly of yourself? Take a hard look in the mirror, and come to terms with who YOU are.
If you don’t like what you think of yourself, you must face it, and realize that that’s ok. Then you need to figure out what you need to do in order to start liking yourself again!
Do you need to make amends with somebody?
Do you need to be more disciplined in one area?
Or do you need to spoil yourself in another?
Do whatever you need to do so that you feel and believe in your own self respect.

Your Outer Game:

1. Make your opinion more important. Speak your mind, and assert boundaries

It’s almost impossible to simply “snap” and stop caring what other people think. This is because if you care what other people think, it’s because you’ve spent your life acting in a way that encourages you to care what other people think.
When you avoid speaking your mind freely for example, you force yourself to stay trapped by what other people think of you.
Here’s why:
Suppose someone offends you, but you just take it because you don’t want to cause trouble. You’ve essentially slapped your own face.
Anytime you hold your tongue, you train your mind to think “My opinion of myself doesn’t matter, but other person’s opinion of me does”.

2. Act based on what is right or wrong, not based on how much approval you get.

Most people are afraid to do what is right because they will lose friends in the process. Ironically, it is that person who can unapologetically act based on justice who is the most wildly popular person.
When you act based on what is right or wrong. You look to yourself, to determine your actions. When you act based on how much approval you get from other people, not only do you look to others to make decisions for you, terrible things can happen.
Can anyone say The Holocaust?
Acting based on right and wrong reinforces your self-respect.

3. Act based on what you think of yourself, not based on what you can get away with.

Have you ever cheated in your relationship? Have you ever stolen something?
It might feel like when you “got away” with it.
Like you’ve won. . .
But you pay a huge price for dishonesty.
When you act dishonorably, first, you establish a tone in your life where you spend time hiding the evidence of your evil deeds because you care what other people think – rather than walking around with your head held high.
Secondly, even if you get away with it in the short term, you know what you’ve done, and you know what you did was wrong. When you betray your mind like this you condition your mind to believe that your opinion of yourself is of no importance.
When you live like this, it’s impossible not to care what other people think.

–

Day Twenty Seven - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

27.  Forgive everyone for everything.

Now wait just a second.  As I type that I actually feel some anxiety stirring in my chest.  EVERYONE?  For EVERYTHING?  Wow.  Tall order....

So, how can you move through the process of forgiving others?

These aren’t “easy steps” by any means, especially because many of them are worked in tandem, but nonetheless they are pieces that make up the whole.

First, acknowledge the parts of you that don’t want to forgive—that want to punish by not forgiving, that derive some artificial source of power from withholding forgiveness.

Secondly, if you’re aware already of the fact that you don’t want to forgive, consider the stories that go along with that.

Third, find the common ground.


Finally—and this is the big one—realize that lack of forgiveness is rooted in a lack of boundaries.

The moment that you decide that you won’t tolerate the behaviors that lead you not to forgive is the moment that things shift.  Caution: In movies, the hero or heroine “gets back” at someone and then walks off into a happy ending. 

That’s not what we’re talking about, here. If your boss routinely puts you down, you don’t tell her off and that’s your “power.”

Rather, you decide that you won’t tolerate the put downs, you come up with a plan for how you’re going to handle it when they arise, and then you actually assert that boundary, while looking at her with pure love because you know that her put downs are causing her immense suffering (even if you can’t see the suffering).  What happens in moments like these is that the put downs become about as believable as a drunk, homeless man who is shouting obscenities on the street. He’s clearly not altogether there, and you can have compassion for him because his suffering is so visible and his words so illogical.

Here’s the big secret: When humans are unkind to one another, they’re not so very different than that guy. Many of us are just using different language and wearing nicer clothes.

When you decide what boundaries to put in to place, and what you will and won’t stand for, you release the fear that “it” will happen again. What “it” can touch you when you’ve already decided that you aren’t going to let it penetrate?

About the Author

Author

Kate Swoboda is a coach, speaker, and writer who works with women who want to live unconventional and revolutionary lives through practicing courage. She's the creator of The Courageous Living Guide and The Coaching Blueprint, and she hangs out online at yourcourageouslife.com.

The facts....

 
Here are some of the conclusions researchers have made:

• “Forgiveness of self and others has been the most powerful predictor of both depression and suicide ideation.” Journal of Applied Sciences 2009, Vol.v9, Issue 19, pgs. 3598-3601

• “Forgiveness therapy is recognized as a powerful method of breaking cycles of hostility, anger and hatred.” Elliot 2010

• “Most of the diseases of abnormal immune function are remarkably linked to psychological stress.” Robert Scaer, MD, from The Trauma Spectrum

• “We can no longer hide behind the argument that there is insufficient proof that mind/body methods have an impact or are effective. Studies indicate, in fact, the opposite is true.” David Servan-Schrieber, MD, PhD from AntiCancer

• “In nurturing a patient's will to live, the first step is locating and treating past traumas. These poorly healed scars drain a significant portion of energy, and they hamper the body’s capacity for self-defense.” David Servan-Schreiber, MD, from AntiCancer

• “Recent research reports that “a number of chronic health conditions have been identified as health conditions with social and interpersonal etiologies (originations) and consequences. Forgiveness interventions offer important insights for management and treatment of these conditions.” Elliott 2010

• “It is not that stress makes you sick but that it increases the likelihood of contracting a disease that makes you sick. Stress related disease arises because the defending army of the stress response runs out of ammunition.” Robert M. Sapolsky, Handbook on Forgiveness

• “One can't begin to address the topic of healing trauma without dealing with the fact that trauma is an aberration of memory. It freezes us in a past event that thereafter dictates our entire perception of reality.” Robert Scaer, MD, The Trauma Spectrum

• “Chronic unforgiveness causes stress. Every time people think of their transgressor, their body responds. Decreasing your unforgiveness cuts down on your health risk. Now, if you can forgive, that can actually strengthen your immune system.” Everett Worthington, PhD

• “Sixty to 90 percent of visits to physicians are for conditions related to stress. Harmful effects of stress include anxiety, mild and moderate depression, anger and hostility, hypertension, pain, insomnia, and many other stress related diseases.” Herb Benson, MD, from The Relaxation Response

• “Inwardly, the emotional wound affects deep vital processes. A psychological wound sets off mechanisms of the stress response…release of cortisol, adrenaline… (including) a slowdown in the immune system. ..which contributes to growth and spread of cancer.” Dr. David Servan-Schrieber, MD, AntiCancer

• “We find that the endocrine system—and the hormone cortisol in particular—is closely linked with immune system: High levels of cortisol inhibit immune responses. Most diseases of abnormal immune function are remarkably linked to psychological stress.” Robert Scaer, MD, The Trauma Spectrum

The latest research (Elliot 2010) has yielded this conclusion:

• “Over an extended period of time, unforgiveness can be experienced as negative emotions that result in a cascade of biological and brain responses. Findings about the body’s hormone response to unforgiveness reveal that unforgiveness is reflected in specific cortisol levels, adrenaline production and cytokine balance (Worthington et al 2005) with patterns that parallel those reported in people living with high stress. These hormone patterns are known to compromise the immune system (Berry and Worthington 2001; Seybold et al. 2001) with the long-term consequence of leading to several identified chronic illnesses (Danese et al 2007).”

• “A personal coping style that suppresses negative emotion may increase the risk of cancer.” Dr. James Pennebaker, Ph.D., author of Opening Up: The Healing Power of Expressing Emotion

Day Twenty Six - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

26.  Frame every so-called disaster with these words:  "In five years, will this matter?"

THIS has become my mantra.  When I find myself lost in my stress, I have to ask myself.... is this as big as I think it is?  Usually, the answer is NO!  I know what you're thinking.  It is so much easier to say that now.  But really, its a simple question.  It may seem HUGE right now, but in the grand scheme of things, its probably not a big deal.

 

Seven Creative Ways to Change Your Perspective

By Ali Luke 

Here are seven simple ways to change your perspective. Give one (or more!) of them a try, today:

#1: Ask “Will it Matter in Five Years”?

When I’m anxious about something, this is what I often ask myself. Almost always, the answer is that it won’t matter in a week, let alone in five years.  Some days – even some moments – are life-changing. You’ve probably been through some of these – like exams, job interviews, the decision to get married, or buying a house.

Most of what we worry about, though, is fleeting and trivial. Maybe you’ve made a mistake at work, or you’ve had a dinner crisis which means your family is eating pizza for the third time in three days. It’s really not worth stressing yourself over.

#2: Draw or Write About a Situation

Maybe you’ve got a big decision to make, or a big problem to confront. It might have been on your mind for days or weeks; it could even be something that you’ve talked about (or argued about) with your partner.  The problem is, you feel like you’re not getting anywhere. You’re just as uncertain or anxious as you were before.

This is a great time to grab a pen and paper. Either write about the problem – perhaps in the style of a journal entry, or as a list of ideas – or draw something which represents the current situation. By doing your thinking on paper, you automatically start creating structure and order, allowing you to see things from a new, clearer, perspective. Chances are, you’ll find several possible solutions.

#3: Write a List of Things You’re Grateful For

Whatever your current situation, you’ve got loads of great things in your life too. Some of us (me included!) find it all too easy to moan about stuff which isn’t going well – but pretty hard to spot the everyday good things which we take for granted.

Spend five minutes writing a list of things which you’re grateful for. They can be big (“my parents’ love and support”) or small (“fresh coffee”). This is a powerful exercise to do on a regular basis, perhaps every week. You can also do it as a family.

#4: Go For a Walk

When I’m feeling a bit fed up or out of sorts, I try to get outside for a walk. Often I don’t feel like doing it – but as soon as I’m out and moving, I find my mood dramatically improving.

Walking is a great way to get yourself physically away from whatever’s stressing you (your work, the state of the house…) and to give yourself a chance to think. If you can head somewhere relaxing, like a local park or area of woodland, you’ll find that your thoughts quiet down and that it’s easier to get things into perspective.

#5: Go Travelling

Getting away from home – whether that’s for a few days or a few months – can be an incredibly powerful, even life-changing, experience. Just staying in a different city will jolt you out of your usual routine (and perhaps help you figure out what you’d like to add into your daily life).

If you go abroad, you’ll be able to experience a completely new perspective. You’ll see how life can be lived in hundreds of very different ways. You’ll have the space and time to reflect on your own life, and you may well be motivated to make big changes.

Even the duller bits of travelling can be powerful: a long airplane ride might be a rare opportunity to read a whole book in one sitting, for instance.

#6: Ask “Why” – And Keep Asking

Next time you’re struggling to get perspective, ask why you do something. Channel your inner child here – be tenacious in pushing for a real answer!

If you’re working a job you hate, why are you doing it? Perhaps it’s for the money – but do you really need that money? (You may well do. But it’s possible that you’re trying to support a lifestyle that’s actually making you miserable.)  It can be uncomfortable to look at the reasons why we’re pursuing the goals that we have. But by being honest with yourself, you can open up the possibility of change.

#7: Listen to An Argument for The Other Side

Most of us have deeply held beliefs on some subjects – perhaps religion, politics, morality, social justice, or similar weighty issues.  You might find it very hard to understand how anyone could be so crazy as to support the “opponents” of your particular viewpoint. It’s an interesting exercise to read or listen to an argument put forwards by a group which you’d normally totally disagree with.

I’m not suggesting that you should change your views or compromise your values. But I am suggesting that you recognize that there are intelligent, thoughtful, good people who have different opinions from you. You might well disagree with them – but it’s useful to see where they’re coming from.

This can be a powerful and even upsetting way to change your perspective, so proceed with caution, and don’t get drawn into arguments yourself: just listen and make the effort to understand.
Are there any areas of life where you need to get some perspective? If you’ve got any thoughts or ideas to share, the comments are open…

Day Twenty Five - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

25.  No one is in charge of your happiness except YOU!

To truly love yourself, you have to support your own happiness. You have to be 100 percent behind yourself, supporting your own actions, choices, and decisions. This can be hard to do when you’re up against a lot of different forces in your life – parents, teachers, friends, etc. But, no matter what, you must believe that your happiness is worthwhile – and you have a lot more control over your happiness than you might realize.

 

Too many people are actually sabotaging their own happiness – and most of them are doing so unknowingly. In life, there are many things we cannot control. We cannot control other people. We cannot control the weather. We cannot control some of the circumstances we find ourselves in. But we can control ourselves.
And too many of us are not taking our own happiness into account – a sure sign that we're not giving ourselves the love and affection we deserve. Take a look at the list of questions below and answer them honestly. Don't just breeze through them. Really think about them and ask yourself if you find yourself doing these things.

• Do you always say "yes"? Do you always say "no"?
• Do you take on too much? Too many classes? Activities?
• Do you waste time on things that make you unhappy?
• Do you spend time with people who cause you unhappiness?
• Do you sleep too much? Not enough?
• Do you eat foods that will keep you healthy and strong?
• Do you speak to yourself with a tone of self-love?
• Do you spend enough time laughing every day?
• Do you believe in yourself?
• Do you surround yourself with those that believe in you?
• Do you spend time outdoors, in nature, or with animals?
• Do you read and/or learn about subjects you're interested in?
• Do you feel inspired? Do you strive to inspire other people?

How do you feel after you asked yourself these questions? Do you realize now that you are in control of a lot of elements in your life that impact your happiness? While it's quite easy to blame things or people or situations, we do have some control when it comes to living happy lives. If you want to be able to give the world all you have to offer, you have to take a step back from how you're living and really examine your answers to these questions. Do you like the answers you see? If not, what can you do to change them?

You cannot control everything in your life – and you never will be able to – but there are quite a few things you can control. It's up to you to consider these questions honestly and decide what – if anything – you need to change in your life. If you want to live a life you love, you have to take control of your own happiness. Recognize that a great many things are out of your control, but it’s up to you to make the most of what you can control. It’s up to you to choose happiness.

Dani

Dani is the creator of Positively Present, a website dedicated to helping its readers live more positive and present lives. Being "positively present" means living in the moment while focusing on the positive in every situation -- and that's exactly what Positively Present strives to help you do. It's pretty difficult to live happily in the past or in the future. And if now is all we have, why not make it a positive experience? Weekly posts on Positively Present strive to support the idea that life is best lived if it's lived right now with a positive attitude. 
Website: www.positivelypresent.com

Day Twenty Four - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

24.  Ladies - go on and burn those "special" scented candles, use the 600 thread count sheets, good china, and wear the fancy lingerie now.  Stop waiting for a special occasion.  Everyday is special!


Right now is very special, not in a little while, not tomorrow, not next month.  RIGHT NOW
Everyday is special because I am alive so everyday I pledge to do at least one or maybe all of the following:

• I will wear my special clothes
• I will use the special china
• I will read a couple of pages of a good book
• I will learn something new even if it is a new word
• I will call a friend
• I will make amends
• I will buy myself a gift even if it is something small or silly
• I will buy my loved ones gifts
• I will give money to charity without thinking about it
• I will remind myself that I am amazing
• I will remind my loved ones that they are amazing
• I will not complain but I will be grateful for the blessings in my life
• I will take the time to be good to myself
• I will stop caring what the world thinks

Because after all I am alive and that is so special

Embrace everything.

Exhale expectations. Accept imperfections and not-how-I-pictured-it’s.
When a problem, issue or concern arises, we confront it with entrenched expectations, forceful wants, and ego-dominated will. Instead, practice making your first reaction no different than when you realize the day’s weather after first peaking out the window in the morning.

• The skillful sailor doesn’t curse the wind in his face. He angles his schooner to capture the gale and gust, and cuts across the waves all the same. The seas are providing, not withholding. He embraces everything.

• The savvy surfer has little choice but to bob upon the waves; to flow with the tides wherever they may go. With neither fight nor complaint, she responds in sync with their every movement. If a wave comes, she may ride upon it or pass over it, or dive through to meet the placid ocean beyond. She embraces everything.

• The prudent card player has no choice but to embrace how his and the dealer’s hands are dealt. He must anticipate, but cannot predict, what cards may next fall. Folding his hand — exercising patience, acceptance, humility — is simply a part of the game. He embraces everything.

Try to achieve this outlook just 10% of the time. Start small. Make it a gentle habit.
Soon, the agony and anguish of petty problems dissipates. Venomous barbs and embittered quips pass off of your resistant skin and evaporate into oblivion.

Your mind is a powerhouse, and its positive focus will fuel you.

But mental-emotional stubbornness is stagnating: spiritually stifling. Embrace is innovative: spiritually engaging.
The genius of embracing everything is that it requires less effort than you’d think — there’s less friction, fewer obstructions. And it liberates you to engage in what matters most, and deserves far more of your love and attention.

Day Twenty Three - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

23.  Don't compare your life to others'.  You have no idea what their journey is all about.

We all know what this means.  This one is BIG.  How on earth do we come to a place where we do not compare our lives to others?  That is an amazing question?  I think that it is a difficult thing to do and I bet many people struggle with this all the time.  How can you not compare?  It's human nature to look at what others have and compare it to your own life.  I find myself asking "How does she do that?"  Ugh.

I found a great article called "How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others"

• Recognize that comparing yourself to others is a bad habit.  Society often projects flawless skin, big eyes, full lips, small nose, pure white teeth, smooth and shiny hair, curvy body, and designer clothes for women and they portray them as being happy. They portray tall men with flawless skin, six packs, and designer clothes with lots of women, and they define that that is what makes a man happy. Society is extremely successful in being able to brainwash people into believing they should look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain someone, when in reality every single one of us is different. What Society does is categorize people and they want you to believe that you have fewer rights to be happy because you do not fit an idealistic lifestyle. That's why lots of men and women resort to plastic surgery, hide away from society, and grow up thinking that there's something wrong with them. Comparing yourself to others, especially celebrities, is a fine way to throw your self-esteem down the drain as there will always be those who are 'better' than you, and those who are 'worse' than you. In the end you will most likely end up wishing you were different with thoughts of worthlessness. It takes you nowhere, wastes a lot of time, and puts you in a psychologically terrible place.
•  Realize that everybody is different, because we are.  People are born to be different; no two of us are the same. We have different mindsets, we interpret things differently, we have different experiences, we feel different emotions. Even identical twins are different from each other. We all will always have room for improvement; nobody is flawless, whether it is on the outside or on the inside. As much as some people may want to believe otherwise, nobody is perfect.It would be wise to stop letting people get to you, and be open-minded and aware of what you are doing to others. Something you can do is start thinking how different they are from you.
•  Stop being afraid to be yourself.  Whatever size, color, religion, gender, race, or sexual orientation, don't be afraid to be yourself. Nobody but you have the right to dictate what you do, what you think, and what you believe in. There is only one you; nobody has more rights over another person to live. Everybody comes into the world the same way; we all age, feel, analyze, and eventually die, so nobody is more special than another. We are all different. If you've forgotten who you are, find yourself again.
•  Forgive and learn.  Learn to recognize that holding a grudge only ties you down from what you really want out of life. Untie the knot and set yourself free. Better yet, analyze and learn what actually hurt you, and prevent it from happening again in the future.
•  Understand that not everything is possible.  You might have heard the saying, 'nothing is impossible'. In reality that's only denial ism and false hope. You can't fly, change the weather, time-travel, change the past, live forever, make someone else change unless they are willing to, fit in with everybody, or be somebody else. There are many more things that cannot happen in reality. Be yourself and appreciate where you are now.
•  Whatever makes you happy, whatever floats your boat.  If you feel you need self-improvement and have set yourself an attainable goal, go for it. If you believe that you really need change, do it now. Be sure that you're doing it because it will make you happier, rather than impressing somebody else. For example, stop swearing if it makes you feel better. Learn to meditate. Start helping others. Learn a new skill. Improve your reading speed. Learn how to write poetically, work towards a better grade, be nicer to someone, try to be more outgoing, train yourself to run faster, learn how to wear makeup better, find clothes that will fit your frame, be a better wikiHow contributor, work harder towards that promotion, learn to better manage your time, change your habit of being a perfectionist, etc. Do it because you feel good about it, not because you feel bad about yourself. This is your life.

Day Twenty Two - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

22.  Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

Making Peace with Your Past: Choosing Forgiveness

Are you haunted by something that happened in your past? Whether someone wronged you or you made a decision you regret, Dr. Phil says that forgiveness is what you do for yourself, not for other people. When you forgive, it doesn't mean that you approve of what's happened. Rather, it means that you're giving yourself permission to move on with your life.

Forgiveness is a choice. Don't wait for it to just wash over you all of a sudden. You have to choose it.

Don't give your power away. The pain of what happened is inevitable, but continuing to suffer is optional. The only person you can control is you. By constantly reliving the pain of what happened, you are giving your power away to the person who wronged you.

Don't cling to negative feelings. Anger is nothing more than an outward sign of hurt, fear, guilt, grief or frustration. While the pain may never completely disappear, forgiveness can help you release the anger and bring those in your life closer to you.

There is no right timeline for recovery. For some people, making peace happens suddenly and spontaneously. For others, it takes time and effort. You may have to make a conscious effort every day to forgive. To say, "I'm letting this go. I'm not going to invest hatred, bitterness, anger, resentment in this person anymore." You can find closure in forgiveness.

You can't change the things that happened in your life, but you can decide how you interpret and respond to them. If you didn't receive support when you needed it, give it to yourself now.

Listen to your internal dialogue. What are you saying to yourself? Write them down without censoring them. Is what you're saying fair and true? If not, generate new ways of thinking. Someone may have said horrible things to you long ago, but it's possible you took over for them when it stopped.

Consider what you need to do to get emotional closure. Maybe you just need a simple apology. Find your Minimal Effective Response " the easiest thing you can do to resolve your pain.

Share your experience with others. Finding a lesson in what happened can help put the experience in perspective and your emotions in check. People can thrive and suffer at the same time.

Day Twenty One - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

21.  You don't have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree.

I don't know about you, but this is one that you have to constantly remember.  No one likes to lose an argument, but what is that costing you?  I have learned that it is important to choose your battles.  For a relationship to work there must be some give and take.  Make sure you're not always taking!

 

Can Arguing actually be a Good Sign?

When people think of arguing, they look at it as a negative part of a relationship. Is arguing really the negative part though? The reason the majority of people see arguing as an obstacle that threatens their relationship, is because they never take the time to acknowledge the true reasons behind arguments. What causes your arguments in the first place? Whether it is little things or something of more importance, the reason arguments arise and exist, is for the reason that each person is independent in their beliefs, ideas and opinions and it is the independent differences that cause arguments- not necessarily the topics themselves. So how is arguing a good sign? Well, arguing itself is not the negative part. In fact, arguing can be a good sign in a relationship rather than those relationship in which a couple never disagrees, for when a couple argues, it reveals their confidence in revealing their differences to each other, which is a good sign because it means that neither of you is afraid to express your true selves in the relationship. When a person keeps quiet in a relationship and never really expresses what they are feeling or thinking about, is never a good sign and proves that there is lack of security in the relationship, which will continue to worsen over time until the relationship ends on bitter terms, due to the resentment one would build towards the other for feeling unable to open up to him or her. No couple is 100% alike, nor would anyone really want to have a partner who is exactly like them. It is the differences that keep a couple interested in each other, but there do come times when differences conflict and arguments arise. When arguments do come to surface, the best thing to do would be to make an effort to adjust the way you think about arguing- preferably before they arise in the first place, so you can think rationally. What are your views on arguing and why do you automatically look at it as a negativity that is out to ruin your relationship? If arguments exist because of the differences you and your partner share, then perhaps you first need to acknowledge whether you and your partner accept and respect each other for who you are as individual people. Looking at disagreements as negative means that you could be viewing the fact that your relationship has its differences, as a negative obstacle. However, sharing differences in a relationship is not the negative thing here- but more of how you process and handle those differences. Arguments themselves are not the problem, but the style in which you argue can be. Improving and adjusting your arguing skills can make a big difference and influence in whether your relationship stays healthy or breaks apart. You already understand why arguing itself is a good sign for your relationship- it proves that you and your partner feel secure enough to express yourselves without fearing judgments. This shows that your bond will strengthen, making it easier for you to learn more about each other and understand where each of you is coming from. Instead of worrying about the argument itself, shift your focus on your arguing style. Majority of the times couples conflict due to the fact that they both have different styles of arguing and misunderstand that it is the arguing that is causing problem, when it is actually the way you are arguing together. The best thing to do would be to have a talk with your partner about your arguments as a couple, and ask each other what it is that frustrates you as individuals. When you talk about out your arguments during a time neither of you are in a hot and emotional state, you will be cooperative towards each other and work as a team in finding a compromise that works for the both of you. Since arguments involve an overload of emotion, pride tends to become a big part of the argument, whether it is voluntary or involuntary. When this happens, and it often does, the argument is longer a problem solving team effort, but something that each person needs to win. Understanding each other is no longer the main priority, but being right is. It is important that both you and your partner acknowledge and understand that arguments are not about being right and winning the discussion, but about listening to each other, respecting each other's differences and finding ways to compromise your conflicting differences. As long as you both are on the same side when an argument comes to surface, there is no reason why things should get out hand. Listening and teamwork will get you the positive results you should achieve from an argument, instead of pushing your relationship steps back. Remember- arguing is a good sign, as long as you compromise your individual arguing personalities.

Day Twenty - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

20.  Don't take yourself so seriously.  No one else does.

Ok.  I admit it.  I am a control freak.  My kids will happily agree... oh and apparently they think that I have OCD.  I'm not going to comment on that one.  Let's just leave it alone.  For so many years, I was always planning and controlling everything.  I wanted to be prepared for anything.  Well, the good news is that I succeeded.  But, at what cost?

Being a control freak is no fun.  Spending time trying to figure out exactly what the outcome of each situation is so that you can be prepare is tiring.  Not to mention, it makes me kind of grumpy at times.  I am starting to loosen up a bit.  Kind of.  I still have to have my lists to follow, but I've learned to just let things go sometimes.  Yes, I said sometimes.

 

Here are some suggestions to get over yourself:

1. Do not compare yourself to anyone else because there is no one else. 

Your talents and skills are best used in serving others. These two statements– serve others and there is no one else– appear contradictory until you realize you presently appear in many pieces (bodies). Serve all and know The Self.

“Don’t worry about anyone else. It’s all you.”

2. Don’t use your talents and skills to hold others hostage to a personal self. 

Use your talents and skills for the good of all and make sure those who come to you are encouraged to do this same.

3. Have no expectations. 

If others recognize your contributions, so be it. If others do not recognize your contributions, so be it.

4. The less you compete the more desirable you become. 

Give attention and admiration to others instead of looking for it for yourself. Competition does not evolve into mighty companionship.

5. Resign as your own teacher and admit that you have failed to come up with a design for your life that works. 

You are not in charge of what you mistakenly call “your life”. Admit that you are in over your head and don’t know how to get out. Relax and learn that you are already out.

6. Discover who you by not adjusting yourself to meet others needs. 

Let beingness reveal itself to you. This Pearl Worth Any Price is what is wanted and needed first and foremost. Any action that comes from here will be truly helpful.

7. Take time to connect with people.

It doesn’t need to be a spectacular event. The reason to connect is to express appreciation. An earnest smile at seeing yourself will do.

8. Stop trying to get somewhere. 

It’s a waste of time. You are already whole and complete.

Day Nineteen - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

19.  Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

This is a tough one.  We all have that one person that we can't stand.  Heck, maybe there are two or three of them.  They make it easy to hate them.  That doesn't mean that we should.  Hate doesn't even feel good.  If it doesn't feel good, then we probably shouldn't be doing it!  Here are a few pointers to help with the hate!

• Let It All Out. Whether it is screaming into a pillow, crying silently, or sobbing it all out to your deity of choice, vent, vent, and vent some more.
•  Calm Yourself. Anger does NOT help you make rational decisions!!!
•  Think It Through. What are this person's good qualities? Bad qualities?
•  Decide. Is it really helping to hate this person? Does he/she deserve your hate? (Think rationally here!)
•  Imagine. Think of everything about this person that feels like magic. Think of all the smiles, the laughs, the times where you never thought that this person would be in hate with you, or you with him/her.
•  Repeat As Necessary. Sometimes you need to vent some more before you can really remember everything good about this person. That is perfectly fine.

If the person you are in hate with is truly evil or abusive, move on.


For now, the best way to overcome hateful thinking is through the use of inclusion and empathy. Evolution has led us to hate people who are not members of our tribes, or those who we perceive as different. To cut down on hateful thinking, focus on the things you have in common with others, rather than the ways in which you're different. Try to see yourself in the people you dislike or distrust, and recognize that any aggression you perceive on the part of others is likely based on their own evolutionary fears. This can help you to empathize rather than to hate.

Of course, some hateful thinking is unavoidable. If you've been wronged in some way, forgiveness can be the key to inner peace. If hateful thoughts reappear from time to time, acknowledge them, and then let them go. Just as you don't have to accept hate and negativity from others, you can choose to not hold on to these thoughts in your own mind.

~Bambi Turner

Day Eighteen - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

18.  Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

That makes it sound so simple.  It is true, sometimes life isn't fair.  In fact there are a lot of times that life isn't fair.  It seems to be a daily occurance for me lately.  I am plugging away at my day and something hits me smack in the face!  "Not Fair!"  You look at those around you and you begin to compare your life their life.  Often times, we aren't seeing their life.  We are seeing what they allow us to see.  In reality, they probably have troubles just like we do.

I guess that's when we need someone to step in and point out how good we have it.  Its hard to step out of your own situation and look at it objectively.  If you can learn how to do that, you will suffer a lot less heart ache.  Here is a post that I found, with a cute story, and some ideas on staying positive.

by Michelle Uy, That’s Fit.ca

Even though I’m a yoga teacher, I still find it’s easy to fall prey to negative thinking. Having negative thoughts play out like a movie can only bring you pain, something that I’ve experienced many times throughout my life.

Negative thoughts drain you of energy and keep you from being in the present moment. The more you give in to your negative thoughts, the stronger they become. I like the imagery of a small ball rolling along the ground, and as it rolls, it becomes bigger and faster.

That’s what one small negative thought can turn into: a huge, speeding ball of ugliness. On the contrary, a small positive thought can have the same effect blossoming into a beautiful outcome.
I’d like to share with you an example of how one small thought can turn into a very negative experience.

For the last ten years, I have lived on my own. Obviously during this time, I’ve grown accustomed to living in a particular way; I have my routines with cooking, cleaning and living happily in my place.
My boyfriend of two years who I have had a long distance relationship with will soon be moving here and we will be living together. Lately, I’ve had negative thoughts of moving in with him knowing that my living routine will have to change and we will have to create a new routine together.

Unfortunately, I’ve already jumped into the future and have had thoughts that we will not be able to come up with a living arrangement that will make us both happy. In my mind, I have seen myself already getting angry about our cooking and cleaning situation.

He came for a surprise visit this past weekend and boy, was it a surprise for him. We had a miserable weekend together. I did not enjoy his company because I was already angry with him and he was confused and equally frustrated with me. What could have been a really fabulous weekend ended up being a painful and heavy weekend.


When we start to have negative thoughts, it’s hard to stop them. And it’s much easier said than done to shift your focus to positive thoughts. But, it’s the only way—especially if you want to avoid going down a path that is painful and unnecessary.

Here are 10 things I did to help overcome my negative thoughts that you can also try:

1. Meditate or do yoga.

One of the first things I did was head to a yoga class. It took my focus away from my thoughts and brought my attention to my breath. Yoga is also very relaxing which helped ease my mind. Yoga helped me stay present to my experience so instead of jumping to what could happen, it brought me back to the now—the only moment, the most important moment.

2. Smile.

I didn’t do much of this during the weekend so I literally had to bring myself in front of a mirror and force myself to smile. It really does help change your mood and relieve stress. I also felt lighter because it takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown.

3. Surround yourself with positive people.

I called a friend who I knew could give me constructive, yet loving feedback. When you’re stuck in a negative spiral, talk to people who can put things into perspective and won’t feed your negative thinking.

4. Change the tone of your thoughts from negative to positive.

For example, instead of thinking We are going to have a hard time adjusting to our living situation, replace that with We will face some challenges in our living situation, but we will come up with solutions that we will both be happy with.

5. Don’t play the victim. You create your life—take responsibility.

The way I was thinking and acting, you would think I was stuck. Even if our living situation becomes unbearable, there is always a way out. I will always have the choice to make change happen, if need be.

6. Help someone.

Take the focus away from you and do something nice for another person. I decided to make a tray of food and donate it to the Salvation Army. It took my mind off of things and I felt better for helping someone else.

7. Remember that no one is perfect and let yourself move forward.

It’s easy to dwell on your mistakes. I felt terrible that I acted this way and that I wasted our weekend. The only thing I can do now is learn from my mistakes and move forward. I definitely don’t want to have a weekend like that again.

8. Sing.

I don’t remember lyrics very well and it’s probably the reason that I don’t enjoy singing, but every time I do sing I always feel better . When we sing, we show our feelings and this provides an amazing stress relief.

9. List five things that you are grateful for right now.

Being grateful helps appreciate what you already have. Here’s my list: My cats, health, a six-week trip to Asia, a new yoga class that I’ll be teaching, and for my mom’s biopsy coming out clean.

10. Read positive quotes.

I like to place Post-It notes with positive quotes on my computer, fridge door and mirror as reminders to stay positive. Also, I’d like to share with you a quote by an unknown author that was shared in a meditation class that I attended:
Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.
Happy positive thinking!