Forty nine ~ Confidently Criticized

Sometimes we hear from others that someone is upset with us, or sometimes they come to us to let us know.  It tends to take the wind out of your sails for a bit, not really a pleasant experience to receive criticism.   It is important to learn how to handle it when it happens.

1. Listen to what they are saying.
2. Ask yourself   "Is what they are saying true?"  There may be some truth to it, or there may be no truth to it.  
3. Admit to yourself that you're not perfect.  
4. Admit any fault to the accuser... apologize if necessary.
5. Positively affirm yourself.  Applaud yourself for handling the situation well.  

Make criticism a tool to become a better person.  The more we embrace criticism for opening our eyes, the happy a criticism will make us.  Yep, it will be awesome when a criticism makes us happy.  Remember, you're not perfect!

Find 3 trusted friends and ask them 5 areas you need improvement in.  If there is something in common from what you gather from the three friends, then that is the area you need to work on.  Be strong and be proud of yourself for having the courage to want to hear what you need to work on.

If we can treat ourselves like a business, we can look at ourselves and be constructive and appreciate the criticism.  Take it, and learn from it!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Forty eight ~ You're on trial

Positive people try to make people feel good, negative people try to make people feel bad.  It really is that simple.  Don't be a carrier of negative energy, keep it to yourself, or better yet, let it go!

When you find yourself in a negative situation, ask yourself how you can turn it around and make it positive.  Don't get caught up in the negative, let it go.  Flip it to the good side. 

Think whether today or recently someone has said something negative to you or about you  "you are a scatterbrain!"  Ask yourself....  "What is the evidence?"  "Is it true?"  If the answer is yes, then pass judgement on yourself by asking: "What can I do today to help prevent this from harming myself or others in the future?"  ... buy a notebook and write things down so you don't forget them???

Earlier we learned to evaluate ourselves every day.  If someone else is doing the evaluation, then we have to check the evidence and figure out what to do.  Its good to remember that we aren't perfect, no one is. 

Be pro-active when working on interpersonal relationship mistakes.  Be honest, and apologize if you need to.  Not many people are brave enough to face their problems.  Doing this will train us in the art of self mastery, integrity and inner strength.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Forty seven ~ Listen Carefully to the Prosecutor

What if this negative stuff people are saying is true?  What if we NEED to know it?  What if the information will help me to protect myself?  That is where it gets sticky.  Sometimes it may be necessary for us to listen to the garbage, so that we can be a good and informed judge.  When listening to the prosecutor, we need to ask ourselves "Is this true?"  We can't just believe the accusations, we need to listen carefully and determine if the evidence is believable.

"I bought this toaster and they charged me $20 more than the guy down the street, that guy is a thief!"  Just because you can find the same toaster somewhere else doesn't necessarily make that guy a thief, does it?  At this point, we probably need more information.  Is everything in his store higher than everyone else?  Do some investigating for yourself. Maybe its not the same model... maybe the other store has theirs on clearance... would it really be fair to deem this guy a thief at this point?

Think about something you heard recently.. something negative about another person.  Think about the evidence presented, was it just and fair?  Or was it opinion?  Check it out for yourself and see if the judgement was fair.

Sometimes we are biased.  Sometimes we are wrong.  Sometimes we are selfish.  You can't believe everything that you are told.  You're a smart person, listen carefully, ask more questions, if it merits your concern, do your own independent investigation.  I certainly don't want to be judged just by one person's opinions.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Forty six ~ DEAF

When you are being subjected to others bombardment of needless negativity we can choose to be DEAF.

D - Defend ~ We can choose to defend the person being verbally attacked.  Once we've defended them, change the subject.

E - Educate ~ We can teach the person who is looking at the negative how to find the positive and look for the good in things.  Maybe say "I hope you don't talk like that about me."  Saying such a comment, may embarrass him/her, so again, change the subject.

A - Alter ~ Alter the subject.  Ask something like "what did you do yesterday after work?"  or make a statement "hey, that reminds me of..."

F - Flee ~ If you can't get them to stop dumping their negative garbage on your head, leave.  Pretend you need to go the the bathroom if that's all you can come up with.  But leave!

Discuss this with a friend and practice your techniques on one another. We don't have to be a victim of someone else's negativity.  We can turn it around or leave.  The more skilled we become at these tools the more we will have positive conversations and interactions with others.  People will stop being negative around us if they know we won't listen to it. 

In the long run, this isn't about them, its about us.  We need to steer clear from the negative forces out there and embrace the happiness!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Forty five ~ Hearing the charge

The dynamics of Judging Objectively

The next sections are some ways to learn how to objectively judge other people.  They are guidelines to help us maintain a positive outlook on life and not get dragged down by other's negativity whilst at the same time not living in La-La Land where we are not prepared to protect ourselves against the negative side of humanity.

Until now we have been focusing on seeing the good, but that doesn't mean negative influences don't exist - they do.  We just want our mind to focus on what is good in the world because that will make us happy.  We cannot focus on the bad, we need to focus on the good stuff in our lives.  This section hopes to provide some guidelines to help walk the line between the two.

Learning to judge people / situations has four steps:

• Hearing the charge
• Listening to the Prosecutor
• Hearing the Defense
• Handing down Judgments

When we pass judgment we need to start a court case.  Listen to the charge and then decide if it is serious enough to warrant a court case.  (not a REAL court case, silly)  If someone were to step in front of the judge is the charge worth the judges time and attention?  In this situation, we are the judge.

1.  Does this come under our jurisdiction - do I need to know about it so I can take action?  Has this negative comment or action got anything to do with me or my life?

2.  Is it important enough to dwell on or is the accusation trivial?

3.  Is the person reading out the charges a trustworthy person?

Bottom line  - Do I really NEED to know this information?

Make a note (mental or otherwise) of how many times someone concentrates your attention on something negative, unpleasant or not to their taste, whether it be about another person, place thing or event.  Then at the end of the day add up how many of those comments you really need to hear.

If there is someone in your life that is always filling your head with negativity, it is time to turn that off.  It is time to turn on our filter and only accept necessary information.  It is a constant battle to shut out the negativity, but it is necessary.  People that struggle seeing the good in things love to share the negativity.  We don't have to see the world through them.

If we can filter out the bad and share the good, we may even change those negative people into positive people.  Stop being dragged down and maybe start dragging people up!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Forty four ~ Live and let Live

Imagine we just invested many hours planning, designing and finally creating a sumptuous meal for a dinner party we were having in the evening.  Once we have made the food, we are careful to protect the food from maggot laying flies entering our kitchen and spoiling our hard work.  So too we should be careful to protect our positivity from negative "flies" entering our lives. (isn't that the truth?!?!)

Our ability to remain positive and focused on the good in our lives and other people is often hampered by various negative influences that we may have in our lives.  The influences may be certain people, places or activities that we do.  If we want to maintain our positive focus we need to learn to navigate through these negative influences that threaten to tip us off balance.

We are all judges of our own kingdom.  We judge people, places and events all day long.  In order to lead a life full of joy and happiness, we need to learn how to be objective, benevolent, but true and fair judges.  We need to know when to distance ourselves from destructive influences, and when to try and rehabilitate those destructive influences and allow them to remain around us.  When judging we need to be truthful to ourselves, we need to see the good in others, events and situations, and at the same time we need to be fully cognizant of the negativity that they may introduce.

We judge others whether we like it or not, it is a human trait to decode the environment we are living in, and judge how that affects us and act accordingly.  Judging others doesn't mean walking around with a condemning mindset, that's a good way to be miserable.  judging others means seeing the good and the not so good, then putting both of these in perspective, and analysing how this person, place or event impacts on us and the other people around us.  If we conclude that the person, place or event is having a negative effect on us then we decide what to do.

Think about a person you don't like very much.

Now ask yourself:  "Why don't I like him/her?"

Is it a feeling?  Is it based on evidence, facts, experience, etc?

Now ask yourself:

1. Am I being fair and objective in my judgment of this person?
2. Have I honestly looked at this person?
3. Am I able to see the good side of them as well as the bad?
4. Am I distancing myself from this person because they are likely to be a negative influence on me or others?

If you answered no to any of the questions then you will benefit greatly from learning the skills of being able to objectively judge others.

In order to be happy, upbeat and vibrant people we need to know how to deal with drag-me-down types of people in a loving but firm manner.  We don't need to let negative influences on us make us into bitter or angry people.  We can learn to judge objectively, taking nothing "personally" and leave our negative emotions out of it.

We can be assertive and caring, happy and firm, loving and self-assured all at the same time.  This exercise will teach us the first step, and that is getting in touch with how we currently judge people.  Over the next few days we will be looking at various ways to become a better judge and hopefully by the end of the section we will be a loving, confident, wise and objective judge.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Forty three ~ You're the judge

Up until now we have been talking about trying to see the good in things.  Through training ourselves to see the good, and by concentrating on that good and tracing back all of the good so that we can be thankful for the good.  The next step is to learn some tools to help us protect our ability to continue to think positively and see the good and the best tool to learn is objectivity.

The toughest part is learning to judge ourselves objectively.  We need to be able to honestly look at ourselves in the mirror and see us for who we are.  This includes the good things, while we generally notice the bad things.    Our lives and personal development are serious issues.  We have to want to improve ourselves, no one else can.  If we don't want to work at maximizing our potential, no fairy is going to come along and wave their magic wand for us.

The best method is to do a daily accounting.  Look at what you did with your day and figure out where you could have improved.  When we learn to honestly judge ourselves we are able to direct our lives towards good and avoid all the pitfalls of the past.

At the end of the day, think about your day and ask yourself the following questions:

1. What were the 3 best parts of my day?
2. What did I do (say or think) that was good or brought out the elevated side of my nature?
3. What are my goals in life?
4. How did my actions today lead me towards my goals?
5. What's one thing I did (said or thought) today that wasn't reflective of the type of person I want to be?
6. How can I do better tomorrow?

Don't be afraid to be honest with yourself, and don't be afraid to admit that you've made a mistake.  it's human to make mistakes but it's foolish not to plan ways to avoid making them again.  This exercise is the key to continued, sustained success and growth.  it will keep us positive, keep our eye on our goals and help us weed out anything we are doing that is destructive.  The essence of this exercise is to be able to look objectively at ourselves and our day and then take action.

  


Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Key #2 ~ Objectivity

Learn to rise above it all, scale the mountain of self absorption, bias and subjective decision making.  (That's a tall order!)

Looking at people and their situations objectively is like being on the top of the mountain looking down at the world and seeing clearly where every road leads, every corner turns into etc.  Learning the skills of objectivity allows us to render good, fair and honest judgments about the events and people in our life.  When we choose a good path, an easy road to travel or a more direct route from the vantage point on top of the mountain of objectivity, then our life will naturally run more smoothly, have less bumps, hiccups or surprises and we will know that we are heading in the right direction towards our goals.

Learning how to be objective is learning how to be a giver.  How is that?  You might ask.  It is because objectivity is giving ourselves and others the gift of a good and fair decision or judgement.

Objectivity allows us to be a loving, fair and caring person and at the same time not be walked all over, spat on, used or abused.  Only through learning the ability to be objective can we find the happy and healthy balance between seeing what's good in everything and protecting our precious positive world against negative influences, which may destroy all the positive and good work that we have tried so hard to nurture!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Conclusion

The first of the 7 Ancient Keys to Happiness is to see the good.  See how good you are, how good your life is, how good other people are and how good everything is.  We learned how to recognize the good, appreciate the good and be thankful for the good.  When we practice seeing the good and it becomes our new way of viewing the world - we will feel more than happy, we will feel the ecstasy of living, the serenity of everyday and a quiet, calm satisfaction with life.

There is one poison that can kill our happiness and positivity and that is cursing/wishing bad upon others.  if we want to be happy, we have to avoid doing this.  We have to be 100% clear that cursing others who have done good to us is the fastest way to destroy our own inner joy.

The first key to happiness is based on the first of the seven commandments given to Noah.  It is interesting to note that this was "Do not curse the Ultimate Source of All Goodness."  At first glance it doesn't seem like a key to happiness.  But if we analyze it, we see that the first key to happiness is seeing the good, appreciatei9ng it and being grateful, and the ONLY way we can achieve this is if we don't slip into negative thinking and habits.  We have to open our eyes to the good in our lives, and then we have to be careful to never repay the one who gave us their good with bad (even in our thoughts.)  However, if we are not careful to avoid ingratitude and bitterness, we will inevitably spiral into a negative loop and in a split second ruin all our happiness.

If we can rise above our natural downward pull of negativity and avoid cursing, bitterness and hate, and instead strengthen ourselves to see the good, even in the most trying of circumstances, we will make it through the Gate of Happiness dancing and singing with this key.




Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Kale - Your new friend, with benefits!

WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS FROM YOUR NEW BEST FRIEND?

Fiber: Kale keeps you fuller longer. That will help keep your snacking and over eating at bay, which keeps your weight down (so kale helps you stay fit and trim!). Diets high in fiber-rich leafy greens, like kale, show decreased risks of cancers (such as colon, breast, prostate, ovarian, bladder and lung), as well as heart disease and osteoporosis.

Phytochemicals: Kale lowers the risk of cataract and macular degeneration because it’s an excellent source of phytochemicals (lutein and zeaxanthin). For optimal eye health, the daily suggested dose of lutein and zeaxanthin is 6 to 15 milligrams. One half cup of cooked kale meets the recommended daily dose of these 2 phytochemicals. Along with lutein and zeaxanthin, Kale also has 45 other flavonoids—powerful antioxidants—linked to the protection against cancer.

Vitamin A: An effective antioxidant, it boosts immunity and maintains healthy bones and teeth.

Vitamin K: Necessary to produce osteocalcin, a protein that strengthens the composition of our bones. Studies show that women with diets low in Vitamin K have significantly lower bone density. Vitamin K also prevents calcium build-up in our tissue that can lead to cardiovascular disease and stroke and is a key nutrient that regulates inflammation in the body. 

Vitamin E: Acts as an antioxidant in brain cells, protecting them from free radicals. This will help keep your mind sharp!

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH IT?

Kale Preparation:

Kale is not fussy. It doesn’t require much prep at all so it’s a really great food friend to have, especially if you’re a busy person on the go (and let’s face it, who isn’t!?). As with all veggies (and especially dark green leafy ones), make sure you wash each leaf in cold water thoroughly.  While they are dripping dry, cut out the big stem in the middle. Or what I do is grab hold of the bottom stem and pull, tearing that stalk out! Viola! Your kale is ready to go! Here are some things to do with it, once you’ve got it in your hands.

Kale Salad: If you’re a raw food purist or just in a warm climate and want something fresh, chop kale finely (amount is up to you!) .  I recommend this lemon/tahini dressing: olive oil,  a spoonful of tahini paste and fresh lemon juice; pour over the finely chopped green leaves and let sit for 15 to 20 minutes. The dressing will ‘marinade’ the leaves, softening them and soaking up the sunny goodness. Top with whatever veggies you like! Some of my favorites are yellow peppers, shaved fennel, avocado, pomegranate seeds and sliced cucumbers!  

Sautéing/Braising: My favorite way to make kale is to sauté it with garlic and coconut oil (great as a side dish or as part of a main dish!). Use 2-3 cloves of garlic and about 1 tbsp coconut oil to one big bunch of kale.  Gently heat the garlic then add the washed and chopped kale to your frying pan.  You want to cook it over a medium-low heat until the leaves soften and wilt. How long you sauté is a personal preference, but I like my kale to keep some of its bright vibrant green color and health benefits so I don’t cook it for more than five minutes (remember, even if you turn off the heat, food keeps cooking!). If you want to go without oil, try braising: simmer in three-quarters of a cup of veggie broth for 20 minutes to soften up the leaves , drain and serve.

Steaming: Cover with a little water and cook until soft. Super healthy.

Kale Chips: I made this for a holiday party. I put out an entire bowl, made someone a cocktail, turned around and the bowl was empty! It is a great alternative for grownups, in place of potato chips. Kids love it too! And it’s super easy. Make sure your kale pieces are thoroughly dried (otherwise you’ll wind up with steamed kale instead!). Toss with olive oil, put in a single layer on a baking sheet and bake in the oven at 350 degrees for about 10 to 15 minutes. Flip the leaves halfway through. (And check them often; you don’t want the leaves to turn brown because they will become bitter.) When the leaves are crispy, sprinkle with sea salt and invite me over. J  

SMOOTHIES SMOOTHIES SMOOTHIES SMOOTHIES SMOOTHIES

Also: I add chopped kale to soups, stews, grains (like millet and quinoa), mashed potatoes and pasta (about a cup but the amount is up to you!). Add it to an omelet or poached eggs.  Or add it to your smoothie! 

Some tips:

• Avoid washing kale until just before use, since it will hasten spoilage.
• Kale will shrink during cooking, like spinach does but not as drastically.
• As with any fruit or vegetable, it’s best to buy kale in season. A light frost sweetens kale, so here in NYC, fall or winter is the perfect time to enjoy it.
• Fresh kale should have a bright green color.  Avoid kale with yellow or brown leaves—that means it’s getting old.

Varieties of kale:

• Green kale – the most common variety in the grocery store, has a firm texture and curly leaves.
• Red kale – similar in taste and texture to green kale, but adds a splash of red or purple to your plate. 
• Dinosaur kale (also called Tuscan or Lacinato) –  the leaves are flatter and more tender than the other types.
• Ornamental kale – tougher than other kinds, and available in green, purple, pink and white.  Often sold as decoration for a garden or window box, it’s still edible and makes a great garnish.

This information provided by : MIND BODY GREEN

Forty two ~ Wishing Well

"Have a great day!"
"I hope you have a great year!"

When we wish good things to happen to people, this has an enormous impact on the world for good.  We become more positive and develop our hearts to be open and giving.  The person receiving our good wishes feels loved and cared for; and the vibes or general atmosphere of the world becomes more positive and loving. 

Wouldn't it be nice to wish something positive on everyone we meet?  Every shop keeper, security guard, friend, associate or even someone that we don't like.  A smile is a way of expressing approval and acceptance of another person, so if we wish someone that good fortune comes their way, and we do it with a smile, we are like a person writing a decree, and our smile is the seal of approval to confirm this good wish.

I don't know about you, but it really bothers me when I am walking along and I make eye contact with someone and smile and they just look at me like "what".  If someone smiled at me, I would totally smile back, but I'd already be smiling, so... anyway.

The most destructive type of wishing bad onto other people is when we wish bad things happen to people who have bestowed good upon us.  Come on... you've done it... I 've done it.  We need to change that bad outlook to a positive outlook. 

1. Resolve from today onwards, never to wish bad upon anyone who has ever bestowed any goodness upon us.
2.   Today wish another person well.  (It makes a positive difference to us and the world if we verbally express a good wish for another person even if that person can't hear us.)

 If we want to stay away from negativity then we can never wish bad upon anyone.  Being careful to avoid this will be a good fence or safeguard to stop us from falling into a habit of negativity and losing sight of reality.  Reality is we are all very, very blessed with much good in our lives and we all have so much to be grateful for.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Forty one ~ Grumbling

The biggest poison in a life of positivity is to grumble or complain.  Grumbling means looking at what is in our lives from a negative viewpoint.  Grumbling is not to be confused with seeing a situation that needs to be fixed, and then doing what we can to rectify what is not to our liking.   Instead, it is the useless expression of negativity which has no positive result.

We all have down days.  On these days, we need to look at how we feel, accept that its OK to have off days, and then know with 100% clarity that on days like this, we tend to blow things out of proportion and forget to see the silver lining in everything.  Once we know it is just one of those days, we can choose to try hard not to verbalize our grumps and moans. 

Holding back on the grumps, moans and criticisms is a fantastic way of building our positive attitude.  The more we can hold back, the higher we can climb when we are feeling up again. 

Try and squash a moan, groan, criticism or negative comment about something or someone today.  Feel your strength of character being given a work out by being able to muzzle your moan!

If we can hold it in, we can find our way to the happy thoughts.  To maximize happiness we need to get rid of what drags us down into misery.  We have to learn to muzzle our mouths, hold it firmly shut and keep silent.  Once we have learned the art of holding back our negativity, we can then tell our minds to concentrate on the good things. 

People avoid moaning, miserable people.  They can't be bothered with them.  They may not say it to your face, but they don't really care about your aches, pains and worries, they've got their own to deal with.  Sometimes you have something that you need to talk through.  Everyone needs a good friend that they can confide in and who can help them by hearing out their problems.  It is necessary to have that friend and listener to share with.  There is a difference in sharing our negativity for therapeutic reasons and just dumping our negativity on everyone. 

This exercise will help us not get pulled down by our internal negativity.  Once we learn to ignore those moans, groans and criticisms, we will fly high on the power of the positive speech that we'll cultivate instead. 

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform