Sixty four ~ The Pleasure of being In-Charge

It is kind of ironic that today I finally decide to get back to posting and it happens to be the day that we read about being in charge.  I haven't been in charge for weeks now :(

We love to be in control.  We love to push ourselves beyond what we believe to be our limits.  It brings a sense of accomplishment, our own little high  "look what I just did!!!"  We can also get this feeling from biting our tongues when we really want to say something mean and awful (even if its true).   When we do things that we know we shouldn't we get a sense of guilt, that certainly isn't an enjoyable adventure.  If we do something that we didn't want to, or say something we shouldn't have, we feel bad.

We are not doomed to act according to old negative habits, we can free ourselves from these patterns by deciding to be the "real me".  It isn't going to be easy, or instant.  When we do or say something negative, remind yourself  "that is the old me".  Pick yourself back up and do the right thing. 

Be the boss today!  Do something right!  React the way your "real me" wants to react.  Stop putting things off.  Enjoy the "real you"  today!

Once you recognize that part of you is tough, strong, disciplined and focused then we can act as that person.  This exercise will empower you to be the person you want to be.  Little by little, the more you try,  the sooner it will be natural.  You will have fewer regrets in life, better interpersonal relationships and a hugely upgraded level of self love!

Sixty three ~ Doing good leads to feeling good

Its a fact, when we do something good, it makes us feel good.  It sparks something inside of us, our feel good feeling.  We get a little high from doing good.  It is a simple pleasure in life to give pleasure or to relieve the pain of another.  Once we recognize when we do good, we need to retain that feeling of value.  Don't downplay it by saying "its no big deal."  It is a big deal.

Don't fall into the trap of "so what if I did something good?"  Pat yourself on the back, feel good about it.... go do it again.

• Do something good and kind for another person today, and then reflect back on how that made you feel.  Get in touch with how great you feel when you do something good.   
• Now, update your self-definition to incorporate the good that you just did.  Imagine someone asked you:  Who are you and what is your essence?  Prepare an answer by writing down a self definition with all of your good points at the top of the list.  Read your list.  Daily.  Update your list whenever you do something good and incorporate that into your self definition. 

It really is very simple.  Do good.  Value the good you did.  It's not arrogance, it is self-love.  You do make a difference in the world and in the lives of others.    Take the time to own it and feel it.

Sixty two ~ Inner Coach

This one will be the death of me....

We have an inner quiet voice, but we also have two inner noisy voices going on in our heads.  One noisy voice is the "I" voice - "I want... I will... I won't.... I don't want.."  This is the voice of desire, constantly wanting more or less of something, everything.

The other voice is the "you" voice - "You really should get up.  You are always late.  You shouldn't eat that.  You are fat."  This voice wants us to be the best we can be, it is our inner coach.  Both of these voices blab away at us talking constantly.  These noisy voices are superficial and shallow.

Now it's time to whip that inner coach into shape.  We want it to motivate us with positive talk.  We need to train that inner coach to speak to us in a way that we would like to be spoken to, to encourage ourselves to greater heights with positive words not with put downs.  Encouraging ourselves will morph into encouraging others and soon every thought and word will be positive and loving.

1. Listen to your noisy voices for a few days, learn how to identify the "I" voice and the "you" coach.
2. When your "you" voice tries to motivate you in a not so kind way, rephrase it in a positive motivating way... from "get up lazy" to "it's OK, go ahead and get up, once you're up, you'll feel better."

We have to live with ourselves 24/7.  Life will be so much more pleasant if its a positive happy self that we listen to.  It isn't just you, EVERYONE has these voices.   You have the choice to change those voices and make them positive happy ones.  You owe it to yourself to do this exercise. 

Sixty one ~ Priceless

How do you determine what something is worth?  It really depends on what people are willing to spend on it. 

8am - woke up, felt depressed, couldn't get up.

9am - got up, struggled off to work.

9 - 11:45am - worked like a slave to finish off the report and handed it in on time.

11:45 - 12:45pm - ate lunch at a nearby cafe while looking for a better job.

1pm - Boss called me in and said my report was awesome, best he'd ever seen.  He said I'm the greatest and called in the whole office to congratulate me on my efforts.

5pm - came home, had a great day, feel like such a success.

What a freaking roller coaster.... It happens though, doesn't it?

Someone noticed her hard work and then she felt value in herself.  Why do we need someone else to give us value?  Why can't we find and exhibit that in ourselves?  We need to learn to be proactive and praise ourselves.  One good thing is to remember that no one gives us value, we have to find it in ourselves.  On the other side, no one can take our value away from us either. 

Think of a time that you felt successful.

Now look and see that you still possess those abilities even when others aren't complementing you on them.  You are still valuable and good right now! 

Give yourself 3 honest compliments on what you did right today.

We all need compliments, we all need encouragement and we all need to be told that we are doing well.  We need to learn how to self generate compliments and how to pat ourselves on the back.  It is a good idea to compliment yourself AT LEAST 3 times a day.  We need it just like 3 meals a day!  If we skip a meal we start to feel slow and lethargic, the same goes for missing a dose of positive reinforcement.

Sixty ~ Feeling good about yourself

How do we learn to feel good about ourselves?

1)  External

Feeling good about yourself by doing things that make you feel good is the most common way people wok on self esteem.  There is a ton of literature on creating self esteem.  Setting and achieving goals is a good way to increase our self esteem, but it is a temporary fix, not a permanent one.  And what happens if we don't achieve that goal?

The main points to know about using external stimulus to build self esteem:

• Use it when you can - it will give you energy when you need it.
• Don't rely totally on your goals to determine your self worth
• Find an external stimulus that can be used repeatedly... an act of kindness every day.

2)  Internal

Work on developing a sense of self worth by learning how to appreciate who you already are.  Peel off the layers to who you really are and appreciate that person.   Love your inner self... your inner voice.  The more we can listen to our inner voice and act accordingly, the more we can become that inner voice, live and breathe that inner voice.

OK, it's time.... set an easily achievable goal and allow yourself until the end of the day to achieve it.  At the end of the day, pat yourself on the back for achieving that goal and internalize that good feeling due to your success.

This isn't something to do only when we need extra good energy, this is something to do everyday.  Build up your reserves and feel good about yourself everyday, all the time. 

Love Every Day

Once we've learned how to see the good in our lives and make a protective fence around that good, the next step is to foster and grow our inner-self so that a deep self love will flourish.  Cultivating happiness is like making a beautiful garden, the first step is to see that our garden plot is beautiful, has good soil and lots of potential, the second step is to erect a protective fence around our garden so wild animals don't come and trample it.  The third step is to maintain our garden by planting beautiful plants that will grow and flourish with time making our garden into the most exquisite island of paradise.  When we've successfully done all three steps then we have cultivated a glorious amount of happiness and inner bliss.

Lets continue the journey towards a blissful life by getting to know ourselves, finding out what really makes us happy, what drains us and to learn to LOVE the absolute beauty of being "me"  Once we have learned to recognize our greatness, to act in ways that make us feel good and to value ourselves as the great and wonderful person that we really are, then we will have opened up the gates of inner serenity, which is a very high level of happiness!

Getting to know ourselves is a lifelong process.  We are always changing and growing based on our experiences.  The more we learn about ourselves, the more we will come to truly love ourselves.  Self love is a necessity.   We know what is wrong with us, so we can't hide from ourselves.  It is a balance of accepting who we are despite our faults and loving "me" anyway.  Once we learn to look in the mirror and see "the real me" we will fall madly in love with ourselves.

Fifty nine ~ Lost Cause

There are givers and there are takers.  Takers will take just as much as you let them take and they won't understand when you stop, because what was wrong with them taking what you were giving them?  They aren't even grateful for the things that you give them.  They just expect it, and somehow rationalize that you have always given to them, so now you kind of owe them.

I'm sure you know where I'm going with this.  Those people aren't good for you.  We need to see clearly enough to see that they are bottomless pits of demands on us.  They won't ever appreciate us and what we give them.   And we're really not doing them a favor by giving.   It's time to say no.  And mean it. 

The same rules apply to our problems.  We need to know with 100% clarity that WE are the only ones who can be responsible for the problems we have, its no use blaming others.  We are the only one responsible for our mental well being.  We can't solve other people's problems, but we can solve our own.

1. Do you have a relationship where the other person refuses to take responsibility for his/her behavior?  If so, then what steps should you take to start freeing yourself from this burden (including how will you maintain your resolve in this matter?)
2. Ask yourself:  "Do I blame anybody for a lack of anything (money, success, good character traits, etc) in my life?"  If your quiet voice answers "yes", ask: "How can I start to take control of my own well being today?"

Taking responsibility of your own life, actions and consequences of our actions will empower us to change ourselves for the good.  Trying to take responsibility for the life, actions and consequences of the actions in someone else's life will drain us and will never cause the other person to change.

This exercise helps us to change what we can change and leave what we can't.  We can focus all our energy on what we can do and not waste it on thing we can't change.  (something I work on everyday!)

Go figure out where your vitality is being drained, plug up the holes and use that vitality to change your life into an unbelievably pleasurable existence!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Fifty eight ~ (Not so) good friends

We all have that one friend... the one we love to hang out with... but we always seem to have trouble when we're with them..

Good friends care about your feelings and don't purposely do anything to hurt or embarrass us. 

Good friends like who we are, not what we can give them. 

Good friends will still be our friend regardless of who else is around.

Good friends care about us and will go out of their way to help or protect us.

Good friends know their own self-worth and will not tolerate us abusing them.

The better we treat our friends, the better friends we will attract.  First things first, stay away from the the not so good friends.  Second, lets consciously CHOOSE a good friend.  Finally, build the good relationships and abandon the bad ones. 

• Reflect and ask yourself... Are there any friends I have in my life that drag me down?
• Are there any people in my life that I feel positive and uplifted after talking to?
• How can I start to fill my life with people who have a positive effect on me?

This exercise is a must for those who want to build up a life of bliss.  We can construct a new, happier life by working step by step to an idealistic reality.  We can choose our friends to be people that make us feel good.  We don't have to be stuck with the same drag-me-down crowd that we've always had.  Life can be different.

It's up to you... look at what you've got and make changes where needed... sounds simple enough to me!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Fifty seven ~ Occupational Health & Safety (OHS)

Watch out!  If you need to be here, put on your hard hat, if you don't need to be here, get out!

When businesses are involved with potentially dangerous situations, they have Occupational Health and Safety Officers to help assess how to minimise the risk of injury.  The OHS team comes up with a set of guidelines designed to protect the well being of all employees.  There are places in this world that should have a sign like "enter at your own risk."

When passing judgement on places we go to, we need to determine if these places are good for us or potentially dangerous.  We need to be in touch with ourselves enough to know what is dangerous and what isn't.  Look at your situation and weigh out each choice.  When we see that we are precious, we will protect ourselves from harmful situations. 

OK, let's get quiet again... do you remember how?  Or are you finding quiet time every day? 

Ask yourself   "What places/things should I really avoid because they drag me down?"

We all do self destructive things.  We have triggers to that self destructive mode.  If we want to be happy, we have to stop doing those things.  Avoid the triggers and steer clear of the negative.  This exercise helps us start to fight our wars with strategy.  It will help us identify things that WE KNOW are not good for us, and then plan how to AVOID THEM.  It's not courageous to pick a fight with the areas of our character that give us the most trouble.  It's much more courageous to admit we have a weakness and plan ways of working around it and avoid having to do battle with it all together.

 Be brave, look closely and carefully at yourself and see what it is that triggers the worst in you or drags you down - then with a great dose of self love and self acceptance - plan ways to avoid your triggers.

 

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform