Twenty nine ~ Yay for YOU!

Are you the cheerleader in life, or are you the team waiting for the encouragement?  Encouragement is telling someone that we believe in them, that we'll stand by them no matter what, that we know they can get through this.  If we are going to be the cheerleader, we have to learn how to see the potential in someone.  You have to see what is below the surface.

In order to see the potential in others, we have to delve into our own potential.  What major talent do you have?  What are you good at?  It may seem like everyone is good at something, but you're not.  Think about it, you're good at a lot of things, but you have to recognize them and take the kudos for being good at them.  Maybe there's something that you haven't tried yet, and you are really good at it?

We need to encourage and believe in ourselves.  We have to look at what we could do, if we tried.  We need to develop the ability to see the good in ourselves and others - even if it's not actualized yet.

1.  If you know someone who is struggling with life - call him/her up and tell them you believe in them.  Point out some things they are good at - offer them words of encouragement.

2.  Sit down and ask yourself "What is good about me that I've never brought out and expressed properly?"  (Don't listen to that loud voice that says 'nothing') Wait for an answer, a quiet answer.  I make take a day or two to hear it, maybe even a week, but listen for it.

We are given a tool box in life.  It may not be visible but it consists of our temperament, talents, abilities and life circumstances.  We need to look at our tools and figure out what to do with them.  Growing and maximizing our potential is the beginning  of self-fulfillment.  Open up your toolbox and see what great things you've been blessed with.

This exercise will help give expression to some of your hidden talents.  It is also to help develop your ability to see talents in others and encourage those talents in them.  Focusing on the potential good in ourselves and others makes us into positive and happy people.  We will become like a miner, digging deeper and deeper into the ground uncovering priceless jewels.  As we dig deeper into our toolbox and help others dig we will uncover many priceless jewels.  These jewels will make us rich with happiness!


Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Wear Red Day - February 1st

 

NATIONAL WEAR RED DAY^® IS FEBRUARY 1, 2013

Red is always in fashion, but there is no better time to wear your favorite red dress, red tie, or pair of red shoes than on National Wear Red Day. Each year, the first Friday of February is a day when we call attention to the #1 killer of women: heart disease. It is also a day when we celebrate the women who are taking action to protect their hearts.

Taking good care of your heart means controlling your risk factors for heart disease, such as high blood pressure, high blood cholesterol, diabetes, smoking, physical inactivity, and being overweight. Having just one risk factor increases your risk of developing heart disease, and your risk skyrockets with each added risk factor.

National Wear Red Day reminds women and those who love them to take action against heart disease. It urges women to eat healthier, be more physically active, and talk to their doctors about their personal risk for heart disease.

 

 ^® The Heart Truth logo is a registered trademark of HHS.

Twenty Eight ~ Helping others

Take a look around you and look at all of the miserable people.  They are everywhere!   If you become the sounding board for their misery, rather than tune it out, take the opportunity to turn it around for them.  We've learned to seek out the positive in our own situations, why not help someone else?  You probably have insight to what is going on just because you can look at it from the outside.  The more we can teach others to see the good in their lives, the more we can see the good in our lives.

Teaching something is a good way of teaching ourselves.  It is a method of reinforcing what we are learning. 

Today, try and help another person see something in their life in a better light!

We need to talk about it, think about it, write about it, teach it, be it.  Happiness is a practiced, learned process, it is not a destination.  Just think about it, the more you teach it, the more you receive it.  A person who learns to see the good in their lives will smile more, be annoyed less, argue less and live a fulfilling life of joy! A happy person by osmosis makes others around them feel good.

Start the trickle effect.  If you teach one person how to see all the good in their lives and they teach one or two and they teach one or two and they teach one or two and...  If most of us were happy there would be less crime, less depression, less addiction..  Can you imagine that?  Can you imagine being responsible for that?  Wow!

Be happy... teach happy...

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty Seven ~ You're doing a great job!

 People need praise and compliments just like a flower needs water and sunlight.  Without it, we will wither and die.  "You did it!"  "Your hair looks amazing today!"  "You have the best smile!"

People that don't like to be complimented usually feel that they don't deserve it.  Some people don't see themselves as very good or lovable.  It is helpful to compliment them and help them to see their good points, as long as we are doing so honestly or it won't be believable.  It helps to start small and work your way up from there.  Be specific.  "I liked how you shared your lunch with that girl that forgot hers, it makes me happy when I see people being kind to one another."

Do you see how we did that?  We are complimenting their actions allowing them to see them in a different light and then they can't deny them.  This helps them to see the good things too.

Think of someone that would benefit from an honest compliment.  Plan in advance what you could say that will hit the spot and make them think, "Yeah, I am good."

We can turn ourselves into positive, up-beat and encouraging people overnight.  our friends, family and co-workers will love us for it.  People will go out of their way to please us because they are just dieing for honest compliments.  We will make friends wherever we go and everyone will enjoy our company. 

This exercise will help us develop a more positive way of looking at people, because when we are trying to see what we can compliment a person about, we are focusing on the lovable, successful and good parts of the other person.  When we learn to enjoy the pleasure of giving, encouraging and uplifting another person our levels of self fulfillment and joy increase enormously. 

This is guaranteed to make you feel great!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty six ~ Speak it Out

When we've mastered the ability to see the good in everyone and everything then it is time to speak it out!  A person will naturally talk about things that interest them.  An important step in positive thinking is positive talking.  If we talk about happy things, most people will interact with happy things.  Happy is contagious.  People are drawn to happy, who doesn't want to be happy?  The key is to be genuine.  We have to use our own words, and express things that we notice and emotionally feel are positive.  Let's try to focus all our powers of concentration on the great things in our lives and we will find naturally that we will want to share our life and positivity with others.

Try to have and ALL positive conversation with a friend.  This conversation has nothing negative and no complaining.  Get out a timer and see how long you can do it.

Speech is a gift given to mankind and it is a major factor that differentiates a human from an animal.  Speech turns potential into actuality, a thought into a word, an abstract thing into a concrete reality.  Speaking affects our emotions.  If we speak inspiring words we inspire ourselves and others.

How serious are you about upgrading your life?  Talk about it and keep talking about it until you see it.  We can harness the power of speech and use it for good!  Positive speech will make us feel good and motivate others to share our visions.  This exercise will make you a positive person.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty five ~ Judging Good People

What is behind our words?  Sometimes the words that we say aren't what we mean.  It is easy to get caught up in our own troubles and project them to others through our harsh words.  Here is an example:

Daughter:  I was running a bit late for school this morning and my mom was screaming at me, called me a few names and locked herself in her room.  She's always screaming at me, I'm sick of it.  I packed a bag and I'm staying at a friends tonight.  She hates me, and I hate her too.  I will never treat my kids like that!

Mom:  I was so depressed this morning.  My husband left me, I lost my job two months ago and I am struggling to find another one.  My daughter has been so disrespectful.  This morning I got up in a bad mood and I saw her eating her cereal at my computer when she should have been gone to school already.  I told her she needs to become more responsible and she screamed at me, packed a bag and left.  Now she's abandoned me too. 

From the outside, it is so simple to see what is happening here.  But when you're in the moment you only see the surface and you react, and that isn't always the best method.  Once we are able to step outside of the drama and look at the big picture we will be able to see that Mom is under a lot of stress right now and needs the daughters support.  The mom also needs to understand that the daughter feels the stress and has stress of her own and needs Mom to support her, too.

Think of someone that annoyed you today.

• Take a look at things from their point of view.
• See them as basically good with a few mistakes.
• Focus on their virtues.

We already learned to look at situations from the past and re-interpret what happened.  This exercise is similar but lets look at it as it happens.  When we train our mind to lovingly accept other people and all their foibles we'll have joyous interpersonal interactions with all the people in our life.

This exercise is good with people that are married, or living with others.  Often we get annoyed by people that are in close proximity to us.  If we can develop the ability to see things from the other person's point of view, love them despite their faults and focus on their virtues, we will find that our annoyance or anger quickly disappears.  Developing this ability is the beginning of feeling unconditional love for others.


Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty Four ~ All Good

Are you a good person?  Is your neighbor a good person?  Is your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend a good person?  How bout your ex-best friend?  What makes you a good person?  What makes you a bad person?

If we ask one of the bombers from the 9/11 disaster, they would probably answer "Sure, I'm a such a good person that I would even give my life to fight for my cause and rid the world of the western decadence."  A murderer might answer "I've done some bad stuff, but I'm really a good person."

It is human nature to want to be a good person.  We will go out of our way to do bad things, if they make us feel good.  How do we know if we really are good?  The 9/11 bomber should have asked himself "Is this the best way to bring goodness into the world?"  His quiet inner voice was screaming "NOOOOOO."

To make sure that we are good and kind we need to run things past our deep inner wisdom - especially when we think that we are justified in hurting another person (for their own good, of course).

1.  Think about a time when you hurt another person's feelings and you though, "It's not my fault, they deserved it."

2.  Ask yourself "How could I do it better next time?"

We all want to be good in our own eyes, the need is so deep and ingrained that we are even willing to deceive ourselves into thinking we are good.  However, this self deception eats away at our inner happiness and distorts our ability to truly see what is good.  Our inner voice knows the truth.. we aren't fooling anyone. 

There are two types of guilt.  Disempowering guilt which is where a person feels that he is bad, hopeless or incorrigible and that his actions were so disgusting and unforgivable that he is completely paralysed and depressed.  A person feeling this guilt will repeat his mistake over and over because he vies himself as so bad that there is no way he could behave better.  This guilt takes away our ability to get back up and keep going. 

The second type of guilt is empowering and we call this "regret."  Regret is the feeling that "I'm such a good person, yet what I did was so stupid.  Why did I act that way, I wish I never lowered myself to do that."  A person who feels regret is more likely not to repeat his mistakes because he sees that he's too good to make such foolish mistakes.

Once we've done something not so goo, it is important not to wallow in the guilt.  Visualize yourself doing better next time.  Open your eyes to your self-delusions and you will see and be the person you want to be.  In order to see the beauty in an old silver goblet, you need to polish it and remove the impurities.  Look in the mirror, wipe off the rationalizations and self delusions, and we will shine like we've never shone before.


 Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty Two ~ Understanding Gobbly-gook

Have you ever noticed that people often don't say what they mean?  We may say " Go away, get out of my face, I never want to see you again."  What we really mean is we are having a bad day and we just want to be left alone.    "I hate you!"  often means "you hurt my feelings!" 

If we could look at everyone as if they are speaking a different language and interpret what they really mean, we could have better interaction with them.  Our responses could be based on what they mean, rather than what they said. 

"You're always on the phone, and if you're not on the phone, you're out doing something."
Translation:  I feel unloved.

"Do you mean to say that you feel like I don't make time in my day for you"

You're dead right; you don't care two hoots about me."
Translation:  I feel unloved and uncared for)

"It's not true that I don't care about you.  What would you like me to do to show that I care for you?"

"I want you to stay home every moment of the day and never talk on the phone!"
Translation:  I really love you.

Obviously this example was a little far fetched, but if we listen and find the root of the statements, we can react in a positive way, rather than a negative way.  It is important to try translating and not to get sidetracked by the emotional language that they are using.

Practice with a friend.  Have someone tell you something in emotional language and see if you can review it in your mind and translate it to what they are truly saying to you.  This exercise will help upgrade your relationships and help you feel less drained by other people's emotional outbursts.

Translating helps us keep our emotions, sensitivities and self-esteem out of the picture, and instead concentrate on solving the problem, understanding the other person and acting in the most effective way possible for the situation.  It's time to become a master translator!   Our lives will be more stress free and those that we interact with will love us more, because they will feel that we really care about them and can truly understand them. 

 

 Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty One ~ Alternative Reality

"We fixed up the old wound that became infected, swollen and very painful.  But what do we do about the little scratches that we receive today?  How can we see them through the prism of goodness?"

It is so much easier to fix the things that we suffer today versus the ones of the past.  If we look at them as they happen we can change how we view them.  We don't have to let the pain twist our view of ourselves.  We can look at it for what it is and not take all the blame for it.  Re-interpret the wound.

It is important to take the event at hand and see if for what it is without placing negativity on ourselves for it. 

• See the other person's perspective.
• See the other person's pain and maybe their actions are a result of that pain.
• Understand the another person's disapproval doesn't affect your value or worth.
• Assume you don't know all the facts and there is a reason for the other person's behavior.
• Maybe you misunderstood what was being said or done.
• Find the humorous side to the whole mess.
• Put things into perspective.

Take a small incident that happened to you in the last 24 hours and try to re-interpret it.  Practice by saying "I would like a more positive interpretation of that incident please."

The more we can practice this step, the quicker we will be able to re-interpret and the quicker we will heal from everyday emotional hurts!

Imagine all of the little things that we find annoying now eliciting a response of laughter.  Imagine going from being uptight and grumpy to easy going and quick to smile.  We can do it!  Our mid is a powerful too.  Learn to use your mind to think outside the boxy of negativity.













Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty ~ Forget It!

Once we've been able to move forward away from a hurtful situation it is important to leave it in the past.  It isn't healthy to go back and re-live the pain over and over again.  The negative energy just sucks the happiness out of you!  We need to understand that our mind will bring these thoughts forward from time to time, but we can choose to let them go.  It isn't healthy to ignore them, or push them away, or they will keep coming back.  If we make an effort not to think about something, it is very likely that we will find ourselves thinking about it.  When the thought comes to mind, tell yourself you already dealt with that and watch the thought pass you right on by.

Go ahead and acknowledge to yourself that it was an awful painful memory, but also remind yourself that you felt it, forgave it and let it go.  In time, the thoughts will just stop popping back up.  Accept that there will be thoughts of your past experiences, just be prepared to let them go just as quickly as they pop up.

When we start learning to re-direct our thoughts to happy ones, we can move towards a positive life.  Re-focus your thoughts to a happy thought and keep moving forward!

1.  Write down a list of happy thoughts, experiences or topics you enjoy thinking about.

2.  From TODAY forward, when a sad or painful memory pops up, gently and lovingly move your thoughts onto something more positive.

This is an exercise that can be mastered enabling us to master our thoughts.  Choosing happy thoughts over negative thoughts is choosing happiness.  It is that simple.  It will take some practice, but it is possible.  Take it slow and don't be too hard on yourself.  Everything takes practice, but this one is really worth it!


Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Nineteen ~ I admit

My mother and I had a very hurtful relationship while I was growing up.  She didn't say very positive things to me and in all honesty, I hated her.  We screamed at each other and that is how I learned to communicate.  Not so good in the real world, but my reality.  She said things to me that I still hear in the back of my mind, things that affect who I am and what I do.  I have forgiven my mom for those things, they are in the past.  That doesn't stop them from surfacing now and then.  When this happens, it is best to feel the feelings and then let them go.

If we hide the feelings and never deal with them, they will surface over and over again and it will be an awful cycle of hurt.  It is important to forgive the one that has hurt us and move forward. 

It's quiet time....

After you have forgiven a person for hurting you, feel the pain, don't tell yourself that it shouldn't hurt anymore, just relax and let yourself feel it.  This pain is natural and may take years to let go of, or maybe it never goes away, just gets a little less painful when it surfaces each time.

This is the last active stage of letting go of emotional pain of the past.  It is cleansing and revitalizing to get to a stage where we know in our heart that we have forgiven all those who have hurt us in the past.  This last exercise helps us from blocking and halting the final healing stage.

Forgiving someone doesn't make the pain go away, but it is a step towards it.  Moving forward from the hurt is the key.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Eighteen ~ Work it out!

Most people in this world are not mean horrible bullies who go out of their way to make another person's life miserable.  Most of the time people who have hurt or offended us don't even realize they have crushed us.  One great way of removing resentment and hatred towards a person is to TELL THEM they hurt us and ask them to apologize.  When we tell a person they have hurt us we need to do it in a way that gives them a chance to explain themselves and apologize. 

When we really try our best to see the situation in a better light and get past our anger, this tool can help.  Assuming we have a positive attitude towards life, we can follow 5 steps to help with the process:

1. Explain that you like them, or care for them.  "You know I love you and I now you wouldn't purposely try to hurt my feelings."
2. Try to come up with a reasonable explanation or rationalization for their behavior.  Judge what they did in a favorable way.  -  "I know you have been under a lot of stress lately."
3. Tell them how it made you feel when they did or said the hurtful moment.  - "I felt so embarrassed and incompetent, when I though you called me stupid in front of my friends."
4. Apologize for any part you played in the situation - "I'm sorry I called you that horrible name."
5. Offer a solution.  "I would appreciate it if you would apologize." or "Let's just forget about the entire incident, but please promise me that you will never try to willfully hurt me like that again." 

Pretending that hurtful words or actions don't bother us is silly.  These kinds of things will eat us up inside and make us sad or resentful and mean.  It is better to face our problems and solve them, than to erroneously claim they don't affect us.  If this happens to be someone that always hurts us and will more than likely continue to do so, it is probably best to remove that person from our lives.

Is there anyone that you are no longer on talking terms with, or who you harbor some resentment towards?  Call or visit that person TODAY and try to re-establish that relationship.  (as long as it isn't an ongoing hurtful person that is never going to change)

 Often times people don't even realize that they've hurt us, they are so caught up in their own world that they don't even see it.  Some people won't even remember the situation that you are referring to.  We can use this tool to help free us from hurts we recently felt, by dealing with them quickly, speaking with the person and not letting a little thing blow up into a major resentment.

When we confront people that have hurt us we are giving a positive message that they are valuable to us and we don't want the relationship to end but we don't want to be treated this way.  When done with love, telling someone they've hurt us can be a great act of compassion and love to our fellow human being.  We need to free ourselves of our past hurts, remove hatred, resentment and anger so that we can be caring, forgiving, loving, self confident and assertive people!



Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform