Fifty three ~ Misplaced idealism

"She shouldn't have stolen from him, but is so wealthy, and she is so poor, so what's the problem?"

It is important that we don't find a reason to justify something that isn't OK no matter what.  It is good to have compassion, but make sure it is properly placed.  It is better to set up two departments, one as the Judgement section (Justice system) and one as the Social Kindness section.  If a judgement is necessary, then it needs to be handed down.  By all means hand down the judgement, but if you feel compassion, then help them repay that judgement with community service or something of the like.

Think of a situation in your life where you need to be tough because something wrong was done, but you find it hard to be tough because you have pity on the person.  Do you have someone in your life that treats you abusively, but you feel they are justified?  (maybe they were having a bad day)

Be a good judge:

1. "Should this person behave like this?" (regardless of justifications)
2. "What should be done to/for this person to help this not happen again?"
3. "What can I do, or get other's to do to help this person with their problem now and in the future?"

Maybe you need someone else to help you with these questions.   We can be strong, courageous, stand up for what is good and right whilst simultaneously being loving compassionate, giving and kind.  This exercise shows us how we can have the best of both worlds.  We don't have to associate being an objective judge with being a heartless tyrant.  We can do what's good for everyone.  It just means handling the judging process in two parts.

When we learn to judge others with the two outlooks, we will be able to transform our current environment into one that is perfect for happiness to take root, grow and flourish.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Thirty five ~ Awesome!

Ever had one of those moments?  You're standing there in the mountains looking at this amazing creation of a world we live in.  You see all the little things, and begin realizing just how amazing each thing is and that they all work together to make this amazing place.  It's Awesome!

Look at how your hands move.  We are made up of atoms, and when we think that we want to move our hand, our brain sends a signal to the arm which is another bunch of atoms, which then makes the arm move.  And what about how complicated our eyes are - we see life through jelly!

If we put on awesome glasses and walk around, we would be so taken back that we would find it hard to just get to the end of the street.  By plugging into awe, we will be able to see phenomenal levels of goodness that we just didn't notice were there.  The more we plug into this, the more we can fly, in feelings of happiness, excitement and bliss!

Why don't we already do this?  Well, we did, at first, but then it became normal and average to us.  We stopped seeing things for awesome, but they really are!

1. Pretend you met somebody who had never seen a butterfly before.  Describe how it looks, grows, reproduces etc.  Try and do this with your "awesome" glasses on!
2. Look around the room you are currently in, focus your attention on one object.  Now look at it as if you've never seen it before - experience the awesomeness of the object.  (some people who know how to meditate, may decide to meditate on that item)

We need to re-sensitize ourselves to the joy of living.  When doing this exercise we may not feel any different right away, but if we manage to enter the state of viewing something even once in our lives with awe, we'll never be the same.  Some describe the experience of seeing something through awesome glasses as "euphoric, mild-altering, prophetic, etc"  Try it!  Put on your "awesome" glasses!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Thirty two ~ I'll be back

Life is a roller coaster, right?  We fall down, we get up, we fall down, we just have to keep getting up.  This is where seeing the good can help.  If you can go through your mental notes, or even create a notebook that you write down all your good times, or things, or accomplishments then you can refer to them when you're down and realize that its worth getting up again.

An interesting exercise ~ sit down and write out what things happened for you in 2013.  I know, it IS 2013.  Pretend it is December 31, 2013 and write out all of the fabulous things you did in 2013.   This is a great exercise because we can get caught up in all of the good things that we are writing down and we will genuinely feel good and happy about 2013.  It is completely your imagination, but look at how amazing you can feel when you just THINK fabulous thoughts.  When December 31, 2013 comes around, get out that paper and see exactly how close you came to what you wrote down now. 

Let's do it!  Pretend you are writing about what happened in your life in 2013.  Be realistic, only write things that you can do, not something like "walked on the moon."  We want realistic wishes of what your year was like.  Make it as detailed as possible, including months and people that you were with.  You don't actually have to do what you wrote down, so dare to dream.  Then put it away and wait for December 31, 2013. 

The power of this exercise is phenomenal!  When you write down a fantasy year, you'll find that there are times when you'll make choices based on things you wrote down, and you may not even realize it.  This exercise works on our deep sub-conscious level and it ignites a desire within us to pursue our dreams. 

This will free you up from narrow minded vision.  It will open up a new world of pleasure, excitement and achievement.  For the analytical type it could be explained as the power of willpower or power of the mind and the subconscious.  For the spiritual type it could be explained as a way of sending out a message or desire to the Universe, which then creates a response or power that causes things to happen so that our vision becomes a reality.  Any way you want to explain it, the fact is this exercise is powerful and IT WORKS!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Thirty One ~ It'll be good

Do you give yourself pep talks?  "It's gonna be a great day!  I'm gonna go out there and sell like I've never sold before!"  It is pretty amazing what a positive self talk can do for you.  If we create the excitement and the hype, we will go out there with zest and make the sale.  That method sure beats the opposite.  Anticipating that things will be good can actually make things good!

How hard it is to have a negative attitude and be successful?  Doesn't happen very often, does it? 

Think about tomorrow.  How are you going to make it a great day?  Anticipate with joy the start of tomorrow!

 Every day is the start of the rest of your life.  Have you ever watched the sun rise?  The sky is black and the stars are vibrant and then slowly in the east a haze of blue begins appearing?  As we watch the sky gradually change colours, there are many different shades of blue, yellow and red.  The air is crisp and the whole experience is one of renewal and newness.  Every day we start afresh.  We can choose to begin our lives again from that moment.

New beginnings are vitalizing.  We can drop that bad habit and think positive "That was me before, today I am new."  When we start each day with the anticipation of a new start and anticipating good things happening, we will enjoy our day immensely.

Optimists have more fun!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty Eight ~ Helping others

Take a look around you and look at all of the miserable people.  They are everywhere!   If you become the sounding board for their misery, rather than tune it out, take the opportunity to turn it around for them.  We've learned to seek out the positive in our own situations, why not help someone else?  You probably have insight to what is going on just because you can look at it from the outside.  The more we can teach others to see the good in their lives, the more we can see the good in our lives.

Teaching something is a good way of teaching ourselves.  It is a method of reinforcing what we are learning. 

Today, try and help another person see something in their life in a better light!

We need to talk about it, think about it, write about it, teach it, be it.  Happiness is a practiced, learned process, it is not a destination.  Just think about it, the more you teach it, the more you receive it.  A person who learns to see the good in their lives will smile more, be annoyed less, argue less and live a fulfilling life of joy! A happy person by osmosis makes others around them feel good.

Start the trickle effect.  If you teach one person how to see all the good in their lives and they teach one or two and they teach one or two and they teach one or two and...  If most of us were happy there would be less crime, less depression, less addiction..  Can you imagine that?  Can you imagine being responsible for that?  Wow!

Be happy... teach happy...

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty Seven ~ You're doing a great job!

 People need praise and compliments just like a flower needs water and sunlight.  Without it, we will wither and die.  "You did it!"  "Your hair looks amazing today!"  "You have the best smile!"

People that don't like to be complimented usually feel that they don't deserve it.  Some people don't see themselves as very good or lovable.  It is helpful to compliment them and help them to see their good points, as long as we are doing so honestly or it won't be believable.  It helps to start small and work your way up from there.  Be specific.  "I liked how you shared your lunch with that girl that forgot hers, it makes me happy when I see people being kind to one another."

Do you see how we did that?  We are complimenting their actions allowing them to see them in a different light and then they can't deny them.  This helps them to see the good things too.

Think of someone that would benefit from an honest compliment.  Plan in advance what you could say that will hit the spot and make them think, "Yeah, I am good."

We can turn ourselves into positive, up-beat and encouraging people overnight.  our friends, family and co-workers will love us for it.  People will go out of their way to please us because they are just dieing for honest compliments.  We will make friends wherever we go and everyone will enjoy our company. 

This exercise will help us develop a more positive way of looking at people, because when we are trying to see what we can compliment a person about, we are focusing on the lovable, successful and good parts of the other person.  When we learn to enjoy the pleasure of giving, encouraging and uplifting another person our levels of self fulfillment and joy increase enormously. 

This is guaranteed to make you feel great!

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty six ~ Speak it Out

When we've mastered the ability to see the good in everyone and everything then it is time to speak it out!  A person will naturally talk about things that interest them.  An important step in positive thinking is positive talking.  If we talk about happy things, most people will interact with happy things.  Happy is contagious.  People are drawn to happy, who doesn't want to be happy?  The key is to be genuine.  We have to use our own words, and express things that we notice and emotionally feel are positive.  Let's try to focus all our powers of concentration on the great things in our lives and we will find naturally that we will want to share our life and positivity with others.

Try to have and ALL positive conversation with a friend.  This conversation has nothing negative and no complaining.  Get out a timer and see how long you can do it.

Speech is a gift given to mankind and it is a major factor that differentiates a human from an animal.  Speech turns potential into actuality, a thought into a word, an abstract thing into a concrete reality.  Speaking affects our emotions.  If we speak inspiring words we inspire ourselves and others.

How serious are you about upgrading your life?  Talk about it and keep talking about it until you see it.  We can harness the power of speech and use it for good!  Positive speech will make us feel good and motivate others to share our visions.  This exercise will make you a positive person.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty five ~ Judging Good People

What is behind our words?  Sometimes the words that we say aren't what we mean.  It is easy to get caught up in our own troubles and project them to others through our harsh words.  Here is an example:

Daughter:  I was running a bit late for school this morning and my mom was screaming at me, called me a few names and locked herself in her room.  She's always screaming at me, I'm sick of it.  I packed a bag and I'm staying at a friends tonight.  She hates me, and I hate her too.  I will never treat my kids like that!

Mom:  I was so depressed this morning.  My husband left me, I lost my job two months ago and I am struggling to find another one.  My daughter has been so disrespectful.  This morning I got up in a bad mood and I saw her eating her cereal at my computer when she should have been gone to school already.  I told her she needs to become more responsible and she screamed at me, packed a bag and left.  Now she's abandoned me too. 

From the outside, it is so simple to see what is happening here.  But when you're in the moment you only see the surface and you react, and that isn't always the best method.  Once we are able to step outside of the drama and look at the big picture we will be able to see that Mom is under a lot of stress right now and needs the daughters support.  The mom also needs to understand that the daughter feels the stress and has stress of her own and needs Mom to support her, too.

Think of someone that annoyed you today.

• Take a look at things from their point of view.
• See them as basically good with a few mistakes.
• Focus on their virtues.

We already learned to look at situations from the past and re-interpret what happened.  This exercise is similar but lets look at it as it happens.  When we train our mind to lovingly accept other people and all their foibles we'll have joyous interpersonal interactions with all the people in our life.

This exercise is good with people that are married, or living with others.  Often we get annoyed by people that are in close proximity to us.  If we can develop the ability to see things from the other person's point of view, love them despite their faults and focus on their virtues, we will find that our annoyance or anger quickly disappears.  Developing this ability is the beginning of feeling unconditional love for others.


Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty Four ~ All Good

Are you a good person?  Is your neighbor a good person?  Is your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend a good person?  How bout your ex-best friend?  What makes you a good person?  What makes you a bad person?

If we ask one of the bombers from the 9/11 disaster, they would probably answer "Sure, I'm a such a good person that I would even give my life to fight for my cause and rid the world of the western decadence."  A murderer might answer "I've done some bad stuff, but I'm really a good person."

It is human nature to want to be a good person.  We will go out of our way to do bad things, if they make us feel good.  How do we know if we really are good?  The 9/11 bomber should have asked himself "Is this the best way to bring goodness into the world?"  His quiet inner voice was screaming "NOOOOOO."

To make sure that we are good and kind we need to run things past our deep inner wisdom - especially when we think that we are justified in hurting another person (for their own good, of course).

1.  Think about a time when you hurt another person's feelings and you though, "It's not my fault, they deserved it."

2.  Ask yourself "How could I do it better next time?"

We all want to be good in our own eyes, the need is so deep and ingrained that we are even willing to deceive ourselves into thinking we are good.  However, this self deception eats away at our inner happiness and distorts our ability to truly see what is good.  Our inner voice knows the truth.. we aren't fooling anyone. 

There are two types of guilt.  Disempowering guilt which is where a person feels that he is bad, hopeless or incorrigible and that his actions were so disgusting and unforgivable that he is completely paralysed and depressed.  A person feeling this guilt will repeat his mistake over and over because he vies himself as so bad that there is no way he could behave better.  This guilt takes away our ability to get back up and keep going. 

The second type of guilt is empowering and we call this "regret."  Regret is the feeling that "I'm such a good person, yet what I did was so stupid.  Why did I act that way, I wish I never lowered myself to do that."  A person who feels regret is more likely not to repeat his mistakes because he sees that he's too good to make such foolish mistakes.

Once we've done something not so goo, it is important not to wallow in the guilt.  Visualize yourself doing better next time.  Open your eyes to your self-delusions and you will see and be the person you want to be.  In order to see the beauty in an old silver goblet, you need to polish it and remove the impurities.  Look in the mirror, wipe off the rationalizations and self delusions, and we will shine like we've never shone before.


 Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty Two ~ Understanding Gobbly-gook

Have you ever noticed that people often don't say what they mean?  We may say " Go away, get out of my face, I never want to see you again."  What we really mean is we are having a bad day and we just want to be left alone.    "I hate you!"  often means "you hurt my feelings!" 

If we could look at everyone as if they are speaking a different language and interpret what they really mean, we could have better interaction with them.  Our responses could be based on what they mean, rather than what they said. 

"You're always on the phone, and if you're not on the phone, you're out doing something."
Translation:  I feel unloved.

"Do you mean to say that you feel like I don't make time in my day for you"

You're dead right; you don't care two hoots about me."
Translation:  I feel unloved and uncared for)

"It's not true that I don't care about you.  What would you like me to do to show that I care for you?"

"I want you to stay home every moment of the day and never talk on the phone!"
Translation:  I really love you.

Obviously this example was a little far fetched, but if we listen and find the root of the statements, we can react in a positive way, rather than a negative way.  It is important to try translating and not to get sidetracked by the emotional language that they are using.

Practice with a friend.  Have someone tell you something in emotional language and see if you can review it in your mind and translate it to what they are truly saying to you.  This exercise will help upgrade your relationships and help you feel less drained by other people's emotional outbursts.

Translating helps us keep our emotions, sensitivities and self-esteem out of the picture, and instead concentrate on solving the problem, understanding the other person and acting in the most effective way possible for the situation.  It's time to become a master translator!   Our lives will be more stress free and those that we interact with will love us more, because they will feel that we really care about them and can truly understand them. 

 

 Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Twenty ~ Forget It!

Once we've been able to move forward away from a hurtful situation it is important to leave it in the past.  It isn't healthy to go back and re-live the pain over and over again.  The negative energy just sucks the happiness out of you!  We need to understand that our mind will bring these thoughts forward from time to time, but we can choose to let them go.  It isn't healthy to ignore them, or push them away, or they will keep coming back.  If we make an effort not to think about something, it is very likely that we will find ourselves thinking about it.  When the thought comes to mind, tell yourself you already dealt with that and watch the thought pass you right on by.

Go ahead and acknowledge to yourself that it was an awful painful memory, but also remind yourself that you felt it, forgave it and let it go.  In time, the thoughts will just stop popping back up.  Accept that there will be thoughts of your past experiences, just be prepared to let them go just as quickly as they pop up.

When we start learning to re-direct our thoughts to happy ones, we can move towards a positive life.  Re-focus your thoughts to a happy thought and keep moving forward!

1.  Write down a list of happy thoughts, experiences or topics you enjoy thinking about.

2.  From TODAY forward, when a sad or painful memory pops up, gently and lovingly move your thoughts onto something more positive.

This is an exercise that can be mastered enabling us to master our thoughts.  Choosing happy thoughts over negative thoughts is choosing happiness.  It is that simple.  It will take some practice, but it is possible.  Take it slow and don't be too hard on yourself.  Everything takes practice, but this one is really worth it!


Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Nineteen ~ I admit

My mother and I had a very hurtful relationship while I was growing up.  She didn't say very positive things to me and in all honesty, I hated her.  We screamed at each other and that is how I learned to communicate.  Not so good in the real world, but my reality.  She said things to me that I still hear in the back of my mind, things that affect who I am and what I do.  I have forgiven my mom for those things, they are in the past.  That doesn't stop them from surfacing now and then.  When this happens, it is best to feel the feelings and then let them go.

If we hide the feelings and never deal with them, they will surface over and over again and it will be an awful cycle of hurt.  It is important to forgive the one that has hurt us and move forward. 

It's quiet time....

After you have forgiven a person for hurting you, feel the pain, don't tell yourself that it shouldn't hurt anymore, just relax and let yourself feel it.  This pain is natural and may take years to let go of, or maybe it never goes away, just gets a little less painful when it surfaces each time.

This is the last active stage of letting go of emotional pain of the past.  It is cleansing and revitalizing to get to a stage where we know in our heart that we have forgiven all those who have hurt us in the past.  This last exercise helps us from blocking and halting the final healing stage.

Forgiving someone doesn't make the pain go away, but it is a step towards it.  Moving forward from the hurt is the key.

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Eighteen ~ Work it out!

Most people in this world are not mean horrible bullies who go out of their way to make another person's life miserable.  Most of the time people who have hurt or offended us don't even realize they have crushed us.  One great way of removing resentment and hatred towards a person is to TELL THEM they hurt us and ask them to apologize.  When we tell a person they have hurt us we need to do it in a way that gives them a chance to explain themselves and apologize. 

When we really try our best to see the situation in a better light and get past our anger, this tool can help.  Assuming we have a positive attitude towards life, we can follow 5 steps to help with the process:

1. Explain that you like them, or care for them.  "You know I love you and I now you wouldn't purposely try to hurt my feelings."
2. Try to come up with a reasonable explanation or rationalization for their behavior.  Judge what they did in a favorable way.  -  "I know you have been under a lot of stress lately."
3. Tell them how it made you feel when they did or said the hurtful moment.  - "I felt so embarrassed and incompetent, when I though you called me stupid in front of my friends."
4. Apologize for any part you played in the situation - "I'm sorry I called you that horrible name."
5. Offer a solution.  "I would appreciate it if you would apologize." or "Let's just forget about the entire incident, but please promise me that you will never try to willfully hurt me like that again." 

Pretending that hurtful words or actions don't bother us is silly.  These kinds of things will eat us up inside and make us sad or resentful and mean.  It is better to face our problems and solve them, than to erroneously claim they don't affect us.  If this happens to be someone that always hurts us and will more than likely continue to do so, it is probably best to remove that person from our lives.

Is there anyone that you are no longer on talking terms with, or who you harbor some resentment towards?  Call or visit that person TODAY and try to re-establish that relationship.  (as long as it isn't an ongoing hurtful person that is never going to change)

 Often times people don't even realize that they've hurt us, they are so caught up in their own world that they don't even see it.  Some people won't even remember the situation that you are referring to.  We can use this tool to help free us from hurts we recently felt, by dealing with them quickly, speaking with the person and not letting a little thing blow up into a major resentment.

When we confront people that have hurt us we are giving a positive message that they are valuable to us and we don't want the relationship to end but we don't want to be treated this way.  When done with love, telling someone they've hurt us can be a great act of compassion and love to our fellow human being.  We need to free ourselves of our past hurts, remove hatred, resentment and anger so that we can be caring, forgiving, loving, self confident and assertive people!



Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Seventeen ~ Jail Break - You've got the power

It's time to break free of old habits, judgements and negative thinking.  We don't have to be prisoners of our past.  It is time to take back the control of our lives and leave those hold's people have on us behind.  All of the harsh words and expectations that have been on you by others, let them go.  All of the harsh words or expectations that you have put on yourself, let those go too!  The tough part is to stop believing what we've embraced to be our truths. 

From today forward, try to say positive things to yourself.  Every time you hear yourself saying something negative or putting limitations on yourself, stop.  Look for the good things, talk yourself up, not down.  Write down your happy thoughts, get rid of the negative ones!

We are not the people we think we are.  We have so many talents and abilities that we don't even know exist.  we are human beings,  the most intelligent, enlightened and gifted creation on earth.  Not only that, but each one of us is a unique individual - there is no other person in the world like you!  We were all born with so much going right for us, with so many treasures and resources hidden inside.  How much of our lives have we spent discovering these talents?

    

This exercise will help us keep updated on who we really are as it changes.  If we can persist in writing down our previously unnoticed talents in a notebook, we will discover powers and talents within ourselves that we never knew existed.  We will have a totally different, updated and more positive self definition. We are powerful, we can do many things that we didn't know we could.  We just need to believe we can do it.  Once we believe we can do it, nothing can stand in the way of us achieving our goals. 






Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Sixteen ~ Acceptance

Once we've been able to realize that we are holding onto the pains from our past, we begin to take control of them and have the ability to leave them in the past.  We need to let go of the hate, anger, guilt or other negative emotions that have been built up around the hurt.  If we refuse to let go, not only are we allowing this person to have damaged us in the past, but we are giving them the power to keep damaging us now an in the future.  We don't want to be puppets and give our strings to another person.  We need to take our strings back and choose to use them to make us dance!  From now on we can choose to accept a painful situation, let go of the victim mentality and start to live.

1.  Verbally accept and let go of the hurtful situation.

Example:  I accept that I was beaten, I refuse to be a victim anymore.  Their behaviour is not a reflection on who I am.  I am good.  I am lovable.  I am worthy of more.  I know that life isn't fair but I am good person.

2.  Look for the good that lies within a situation that you want to reject and take some action to make the most of the moment. 

Example:  Today I was going to sleep in, but the neighbors are building a garage next door and they woke me up at 6am.  I went for a nice morning walk and came back to clean the house early.  Now the day is mine to play with.



Not one person in this world is 100% in control of their lives.  We may make certain decisions that will lead us down a certain path, but where we end up is never certain.  It's like taking a bus.  We might make all the right efforts to get on the right bus, at the right time etc.  expecting to be at a certain destination by a certain time - but things don't always go as planned.  There can be delays.

Refusing to accept the unpleasant things in our lives is a block to moving forward and is a huge obstacle in the way of our happiness.  When we are able to walk through life with a high level of acceptance then we are usually happy.  We can work on increasing our levels of acceptance and affirm to ourselves that the situation we are in is OK.  Every situation we have in life is a chance to bring out something good, or some dormant talent we have.

This exercise releases all tension, anger and built-up frustration.  it will enable us to move on and really enjoy life.  The more we can utilize the exercise the happier we will become.  if we become experts of acceptance, we will discover that so many things in life that used to bother us now don't  We will become more positive, lovable and inspiring people to be around. 




Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Fifteen ~ I'm Fine

If we aren't willing to recognize that we are hurt, then we are more likely to keep going in life until we fall down and pass out.  There are signs that a person is in pain, they wince, they bleed, and they shake.  There are signs that a person has been emotionally hurt, they get depressed, enter unhealthy relationships, and engage in self-destructive behavior.  Emotional hurts can only be bandaged if the person is beg enough to admit "Yes, I hurt."

Not letting others close is a sign that we are hurting.  When a person has a broken hand, they won't let anyone hold their hand because it hurts.  If we avoid close friendships or relationships, we need to know its time to recognize that we are hurt and we need to bandage the wound so we can move on.

Seeing that we are hurt and that we are carrying around the hurt is the first step to healing.  Understanding that what we do or say is because we are afraid of being hurt again, we can challenge those ugly feelings inside.

1.  Do you find that you pull away from relationships, suffer from depression, self-destructive behaviour, putting up a front - being scared to be or show the real you?  If the answer is yes, then you are bleeding from an old wound.   It's time to turn the hurtful situation into a springboard for growth and positive change. 
2.  "How can I use the difficulty or hurt I've suffered to help me become a better person?"  "What can I learn or how can I grow from the situation?"

This bleeding is something we can't run and hide from.  Refusing to recognize our wounds is like sitting in a dark room and thinking there is a boogie monster there with us.  We tend to do really weird, uncomfortable or dangerous things to avoid something that hurt in the past but right now it is not real.  The past is gone.  We need to turn on the light, look at what we fear and see that it's no longer there, its just a shadow, there is nothing to worry about.

This exercise will free us from the bonds of destruction we have tied ourselves into.  WE are able to live lives of close relationships, trust, love, forgiveness and happiness.  Once we have that recognition we can take positive steps towards freeing ourselves from that pain.  If we can take every past hurtful experience and turn it into an opportunity to become a better person then we may even get to a point where we can look at that painful time in our lives and say "That was the point in my life where everything changed and now I'm a much better person because of it."

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Fourteen ~ De Ja Vu

Most of us have emotional baggage.  We may not show it to others, but its there.  If we look closely we will see that most of us carry around a heavy load of negativity based on past experiences.

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!

We can choose to just put the bag down and walk away.  Sounds good.

One technique with coping with pain in our past is to ignore it and know that it's now gone and nothing can change it so just get on with life.  Each time a sad memory revisits our mind we can just say to ourselves "that was the past, but now I choose to focus on happy thoughts."  another technique of re-visiting the past and turn what was a very sad memory into just an unpleasant one, or even a neutral memory.  The ability to re-visit the past is like opening up the emotional baggage we are carrying and throwing out some of the items in there or trading the items in for lighter ones.

When we re-write our past, we aren't actually changing the facts of what has happened.  We are however changing our interpretation of the facts.  The facts are the same, but the emotion we feel based on this incident has changed.  If you can't seem to change it, try to work out what information we overlooked in order to see the good in the person, or the situation.

When we revisit our past, we try to see how the hurtful situations were really due to the perpetrator making a mistake.  Try to take the heat out of the hurt, by honestly attempting to understand his/her behaviour and seeing the perpetrator as a broken person with problems, but basically a good person.

1.  Thing about someone who has hurt your feelings in the past.  Now try and feel sorry for them.  Feel sad that they have such bad character traits, are bitter, mean or insensitive to others.  See this person for who they are: a person with problems, faults and failings.  We can then feel happy that we don't suffer from such bad character faults.  We can see the hurt they inflicted upon us as a reflection of their failings and not a reflection of who we are or of who we are or of how valuable and lovable we are.
2.  Next try and see the person who hurt yo as a basically good person who doesn't see themselves as bad, wicked or horrible, but sees themselves as a decent human who occasionally makes mistakes.  Try and see this person in the same way that they view themselves.

This is a good technique at looking at your parents.  Try and understand the situation from the parent's point of view, with his/her background and own set of rationalizations for the behavior.

Wouldn't it be great to get rid of all of the unproductive hate, resentment and anger?  Imagine being able to take all of our past hurt feelings and throwing them out the window.   Imagine having the self confidence of knowing whatever anybody has done or said to us was no reflection on our value as a person.  Imagine having the capacity to see the ugly faults of others and not feeling hatred for them but feeling bad or sad for them because they have such emotional problems which lead them to behave in such poor ways.

When a person doesn't treat us well, we have two choices; sad or mad.  We can choose not to internalize or accept the others negativity, instead we bounce it right back by thinking "this negativity is a big problem - but its their problem, not mine!"  Choose to be loving and caring by thinking "Its a shame this person owns so much negativity, it must be hard for them. 

Choosing sad takes away the heavy baggage we are carrying.  When we choose mad it is like we are taking somebody elses heavy problems and carrying them around on our back. 

Revisiting the past makes us willing to admit we could have it all wrong.  We need to develop the humility to realize we make mistakes.  If we think people have to be perfect then we're going to feel pressured to always perform and we may get really down on ourselves when we don't behave so perfectly.  Once we have learned how to forgive our own imperfections we will know how to forgive others also.

People aren't perfect.  That makes things so much easier, because we don't have to pretend that we are.  Drop that emotional baggage, you picked it up by mistake, it doesn't belong to you.  Let it go.



Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform