Fifteen ~ I'm Fine

If we aren't willing to recognize that we are hurt, then we are more likely to keep going in life until we fall down and pass out.  There are signs that a person is in pain, they wince, they bleed, and they shake.  There are signs that a person has been emotionally hurt, they get depressed, enter unhealthy relationships, and engage in self-destructive behavior.  Emotional hurts can only be bandaged if the person is beg enough to admit "Yes, I hurt."

Not letting others close is a sign that we are hurting.  When a person has a broken hand, they won't let anyone hold their hand because it hurts.  If we avoid close friendships or relationships, we need to know its time to recognize that we are hurt and we need to bandage the wound so we can move on.

Seeing that we are hurt and that we are carrying around the hurt is the first step to healing.  Understanding that what we do or say is because we are afraid of being hurt again, we can challenge those ugly feelings inside.

1.  Do you find that you pull away from relationships, suffer from depression, self-destructive behaviour, putting up a front - being scared to be or show the real you?  If the answer is yes, then you are bleeding from an old wound.   It's time to turn the hurtful situation into a springboard for growth and positive change. 
2.  "How can I use the difficulty or hurt I've suffered to help me become a better person?"  "What can I learn or how can I grow from the situation?"

This bleeding is something we can't run and hide from.  Refusing to recognize our wounds is like sitting in a dark room and thinking there is a boogie monster there with us.  We tend to do really weird, uncomfortable or dangerous things to avoid something that hurt in the past but right now it is not real.  The past is gone.  We need to turn on the light, look at what we fear and see that it's no longer there, its just a shadow, there is nothing to worry about.

This exercise will free us from the bonds of destruction we have tied ourselves into.  WE are able to live lives of close relationships, trust, love, forgiveness and happiness.  Once we have that recognition we can take positive steps towards freeing ourselves from that pain.  If we can take every past hurtful experience and turn it into an opportunity to become a better person then we may even get to a point where we can look at that painful time in our lives and say "That was the point in my life where everything changed and now I'm a much better person because of it."

Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Fourteen ~ De Ja Vu

Most of us have emotional baggage.  We may not show it to others, but its there.  If we look closely we will see that most of us carry around a heavy load of negativity based on past experiences.

IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!

We can choose to just put the bag down and walk away.  Sounds good.

One technique with coping with pain in our past is to ignore it and know that it's now gone and nothing can change it so just get on with life.  Each time a sad memory revisits our mind we can just say to ourselves "that was the past, but now I choose to focus on happy thoughts."  another technique of re-visiting the past and turn what was a very sad memory into just an unpleasant one, or even a neutral memory.  The ability to re-visit the past is like opening up the emotional baggage we are carrying and throwing out some of the items in there or trading the items in for lighter ones.

When we re-write our past, we aren't actually changing the facts of what has happened.  We are however changing our interpretation of the facts.  The facts are the same, but the emotion we feel based on this incident has changed.  If you can't seem to change it, try to work out what information we overlooked in order to see the good in the person, or the situation.

When we revisit our past, we try to see how the hurtful situations were really due to the perpetrator making a mistake.  Try to take the heat out of the hurt, by honestly attempting to understand his/her behaviour and seeing the perpetrator as a broken person with problems, but basically a good person.

1.  Thing about someone who has hurt your feelings in the past.  Now try and feel sorry for them.  Feel sad that they have such bad character traits, are bitter, mean or insensitive to others.  See this person for who they are: a person with problems, faults and failings.  We can then feel happy that we don't suffer from such bad character faults.  We can see the hurt they inflicted upon us as a reflection of their failings and not a reflection of who we are or of who we are or of how valuable and lovable we are.
2.  Next try and see the person who hurt yo as a basically good person who doesn't see themselves as bad, wicked or horrible, but sees themselves as a decent human who occasionally makes mistakes.  Try and see this person in the same way that they view themselves.

This is a good technique at looking at your parents.  Try and understand the situation from the parent's point of view, with his/her background and own set of rationalizations for the behavior.

Wouldn't it be great to get rid of all of the unproductive hate, resentment and anger?  Imagine being able to take all of our past hurt feelings and throwing them out the window.   Imagine having the self confidence of knowing whatever anybody has done or said to us was no reflection on our value as a person.  Imagine having the capacity to see the ugly faults of others and not feeling hatred for them but feeling bad or sad for them because they have such emotional problems which lead them to behave in such poor ways.

When a person doesn't treat us well, we have two choices; sad or mad.  We can choose not to internalize or accept the others negativity, instead we bounce it right back by thinking "this negativity is a big problem - but its their problem, not mine!"  Choose to be loving and caring by thinking "Its a shame this person owns so much negativity, it must be hard for them. 

Choosing sad takes away the heavy baggage we are carrying.  When we choose mad it is like we are taking somebody elses heavy problems and carrying them around on our back. 

Revisiting the past makes us willing to admit we could have it all wrong.  We need to develop the humility to realize we make mistakes.  If we think people have to be perfect then we're going to feel pressured to always perform and we may get really down on ourselves when we don't behave so perfectly.  Once we have learned how to forgive our own imperfections we will know how to forgive others also.

People aren't perfect.  That makes things so much easier, because we don't have to pretend that we are.  Drop that emotional baggage, you picked it up by mistake, it doesn't belong to you.  Let it go.



Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform

Part 1 Recap ~ Days One through Thirteen

We are about to begin Part 2 of the 7 Ancient Keys to Happiness and I wanted to spend today recapping what we've already learned so we don't get ahead of ourselves.  I think that it is important to make sure we are ready to continue.  These questions (and answers) should be written down in a journal or a notebook so that you can refer back to them whenever you need to...

1. Getting in touch ~ Take some quiet time to see if you can hear that quiet voice.
2. Learning to listen ~ Find the quiet again: "What can I do today to increase the levels of joy that I feel in my life?"
3. Keeping in touch ~ Listen to the quiet voice and try to do something that it is telling you to do: "Today I will try to take one step towards..."
4. Two are better than one ~ find your quiet and ask: "Who would make a good lifelong friend?"  See if they would like to join you on this journey towards inner bliss.
5. Starting the cruise ~ "What does happiness mean to you?"  Write down 3 ways your life would be different if you lived in a state of happiness.
6. First stop ~ See the good around you:  Sit down and write a list of all the good things that you have; physical, people, emotional.  See if you can add 5 things to each category each day of the week.
7. When good goes stale ~ Pick one of the following and try to become a connoisseur of the thing you have chosen for a day:  an experience, a possession, a relationship.
8. It is all up to us ~ reflect and ask yourself "Is there anyone in my life that I'm really waiting for to make me happy?"  The next time we hear ourselves blaming someone, resolve to stop, turn things around and ask "How can I see the good or positive in this situation?"
9. Living in the real world ~ Think about a problem you have at the moment.  What goodness lies within this problem?  See the problem as the background, what is the good?
10. The energizer ~ Stop and pause.  It's time to pat ourselves on the back and motivate ourselves by using the kind and loving side of our personalities.  Find something to pat yourself on the back for everyday.
11. Conditional Contentment ~ Get quiet and ask "What would I really like to do with my life if I had all the money I needed?"  Analyze your answer and see if you can change it a little to achieve it now.  "What can I do now (given I don't have the money) to live my dream?"
12. You owe it to yourself & others ~ Commit to yourself today: "From today onwards I will walk on the path of trying to see and speak about the goodness in everyone and everything ~ past, present and future." 
13. Making Good Better ~ Dream a great dream.  It is a dream of who you could really be... the ultimate me.  What would I look like?  What do I want to be?  How would I like my friends, family and coworkers to describe me?  What would I like written on my tombstone or said at my funeral?  

Key Number One ~ See The Good ~  Seeing the good in everything is the skeleton key that opens all doors.  Every block we have in our lives is due to not being able to see the good that lies within the situation.  once we learn the art of extracting the good from every experience, situation, person or interaction we will find we are able to sail smoothly and happily through life - wherever life happens to lead us. 






Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform