Day Twenty One - Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

21.  You don't have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree.

I don't know about you, but this is one that you have to constantly remember.  No one likes to lose an argument, but what is that costing you?  I have learned that it is important to choose your battles.  For a relationship to work there must be some give and take.  Make sure you're not always taking!

 

Can Arguing actually be a Good Sign?

When people think of arguing, they look at it as a negative part of a relationship. Is arguing really the negative part though? The reason the majority of people see arguing as an obstacle that threatens their relationship, is because they never take the time to acknowledge the true reasons behind arguments. What causes your arguments in the first place? Whether it is little things or something of more importance, the reason arguments arise and exist, is for the reason that each person is independent in their beliefs, ideas and opinions and it is the independent differences that cause arguments- not necessarily the topics themselves. So how is arguing a good sign? Well, arguing itself is not the negative part. In fact, arguing can be a good sign in a relationship rather than those relationship in which a couple never disagrees, for when a couple argues, it reveals their confidence in revealing their differences to each other, which is a good sign because it means that neither of you is afraid to express your true selves in the relationship. When a person keeps quiet in a relationship and never really expresses what they are feeling or thinking about, is never a good sign and proves that there is lack of security in the relationship, which will continue to worsen over time until the relationship ends on bitter terms, due to the resentment one would build towards the other for feeling unable to open up to him or her. No couple is 100% alike, nor would anyone really want to have a partner who is exactly like them. It is the differences that keep a couple interested in each other, but there do come times when differences conflict and arguments arise. When arguments do come to surface, the best thing to do would be to make an effort to adjust the way you think about arguing- preferably before they arise in the first place, so you can think rationally. What are your views on arguing and why do you automatically look at it as a negativity that is out to ruin your relationship? If arguments exist because of the differences you and your partner share, then perhaps you first need to acknowledge whether you and your partner accept and respect each other for who you are as individual people. Looking at disagreements as negative means that you could be viewing the fact that your relationship has its differences, as a negative obstacle. However, sharing differences in a relationship is not the negative thing here- but more of how you process and handle those differences. Arguments themselves are not the problem, but the style in which you argue can be. Improving and adjusting your arguing skills can make a big difference and influence in whether your relationship stays healthy or breaks apart. You already understand why arguing itself is a good sign for your relationship- it proves that you and your partner feel secure enough to express yourselves without fearing judgments. This shows that your bond will strengthen, making it easier for you to learn more about each other and understand where each of you is coming from. Instead of worrying about the argument itself, shift your focus on your arguing style. Majority of the times couples conflict due to the fact that they both have different styles of arguing and misunderstand that it is the arguing that is causing problem, when it is actually the way you are arguing together. The best thing to do would be to have a talk with your partner about your arguments as a couple, and ask each other what it is that frustrates you as individuals. When you talk about out your arguments during a time neither of you are in a hot and emotional state, you will be cooperative towards each other and work as a team in finding a compromise that works for the both of you. Since arguments involve an overload of emotion, pride tends to become a big part of the argument, whether it is voluntary or involuntary. When this happens, and it often does, the argument is longer a problem solving team effort, but something that each person needs to win. Understanding each other is no longer the main priority, but being right is. It is important that both you and your partner acknowledge and understand that arguments are not about being right and winning the discussion, but about listening to each other, respecting each other's differences and finding ways to compromise your conflicting differences. As long as you both are on the same side when an argument comes to surface, there is no reason why things should get out hand. Listening and teamwork will get you the positive results you should achieve from an argument, instead of pushing your relationship steps back. Remember- arguing is a good sign, as long as you compromise your individual arguing personalities.