IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY!
We can choose to just put the bag down and walk away. Sounds good.
One technique with coping with pain in our past is to ignore it and know that it's now gone and nothing can change it so just get on with life. Each time a sad memory revisits our mind we can just say to ourselves "that was the past, but now I choose to focus on happy thoughts." another technique of re-visiting the past and turn what was a very sad memory into just an unpleasant one, or even a neutral memory. The ability to re-visit the past is like opening up the emotional baggage we are carrying and throwing out some of the items in there or trading the items in for lighter ones.
When we re-write our past, we aren't actually changing the facts of what has happened. We are however changing our interpretation of the facts. The facts are the same, but the emotion we feel based on this incident has changed. If you can't seem to change it, try to work out what information we overlooked in order to see the good in the person, or the situation.
When we revisit our past, we try to see how the hurtful situations were really due to the perpetrator making a mistake. Try to take the heat out of the hurt, by honestly attempting to understand his/her behaviour and seeing the perpetrator as a broken person with problems, but basically a good person.
1. Thing about someone who has hurt your feelings in the past. Now try and feel sorry for them. Feel sad that they have such bad character traits, are bitter, mean or insensitive to others. See this person for who they are: a person with problems, faults and failings. We can then feel happy that we don't suffer from such bad character faults. We can see the hurt they inflicted upon us as a reflection of their failings and not a reflection of who we are or of who we are or of how valuable and lovable we are.
2. Next try and see the person who hurt yo as a basically good person who doesn't see themselves as bad, wicked or horrible, but sees themselves as a decent human who occasionally makes mistakes. Try and see this person in the same way that they view themselves.
This is a good technique at looking at your parents. Try and understand the situation from the parent's point of view, with his/her background and own set of rationalizations for the behavior.
Wouldn't it be great to get rid of all of the unproductive hate, resentment and anger? Imagine being able to take all of our past hurt feelings and throwing them out the window. Imagine having the self confidence of knowing whatever anybody has done or said to us was no reflection on our value as a person. Imagine having the capacity to see the ugly faults of others and not feeling hatred for them but feeling bad or sad for them because they have such emotional problems which lead them to behave in such poor ways.
When a person doesn't treat us well, we have two choices; sad or mad. We can choose not to internalize or accept the others negativity, instead we bounce it right back by thinking "this negativity is a big problem - but its their problem, not mine!" Choose to be loving and caring by thinking "Its a shame this person owns so much negativity, it must be hard for them.
Choosing sad takes away the heavy baggage we are carrying. When we choose mad it is like we are taking somebody elses heavy problems and carrying them around on our back.
Revisiting the past makes us willing to admit we could have it all wrong. We need to develop the humility to realize we make mistakes. If we think people have to be perfect then we're going to feel pressured to always perform and we may get really down on ourselves when we don't behave so perfectly. Once we have learned how to forgive our own imperfections we will know how to forgive others also.
People aren't perfect. That makes things so much easier, because we don't have to pretend that we are. Drop that emotional baggage, you picked it up by mistake, it doesn't belong to you. Let it go.
Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
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