If we ask one of the bombers from the 9/11 disaster, they would probably answer "Sure, I'm a such a good person that I would even give my life to fight for my cause and rid the world of the western decadence." A murderer might answer "I've done some bad stuff, but I'm really a good person."
It is human nature to want to be a good person. We will go out of our way to do bad things, if they make us feel good. How do we know if we really are good? The 9/11 bomber should have asked himself "Is this the best way to bring goodness into the world?" His quiet inner voice was screaming "NOOOOOO."
To make sure that we are good and kind we need to run things past our deep inner wisdom - especially when we think that we are justified in hurting another person (for their own good, of course).
1. Think about a time when you hurt another person's feelings and you though, "It's not my fault, they deserved it."
2. Ask yourself "How could I do it better next time?"
We all want to be good in our own eyes, the need is so deep and ingrained that we are even willing to deceive ourselves into thinking we are good. However, this self deception eats away at our inner happiness and distorts our ability to truly see what is good. Our inner voice knows the truth.. we aren't fooling anyone.
There are two types of guilt. Disempowering guilt which is where a person feels that he is bad, hopeless or incorrigible and that his actions were so disgusting and unforgivable that he is completely paralysed and depressed. A person feeling this guilt will repeat his mistake over and over because he vies himself as so bad that there is no way he could behave better. This guilt takes away our ability to get back up and keep going.
The second type of guilt is empowering and we call this "regret." Regret is the feeling that "I'm such a good person, yet what I did was so stupid. Why did I act that way, I wish I never lowered myself to do that." A person who feels regret is more likely not to repeat his mistakes because he sees that he's too good to make such foolish mistakes.
Once we've done something not so goo, it is important not to wallow in the guilt. Visualize yourself doing better next time. Open your eyes to your self-delusions and you will see and be the person you want to be. In order to see the beauty in an old silver goblet, you need to polish it and remove the impurities. Look in the mirror, wipe off the rationalizations and self delusions, and we will shine like we've never shone before.
Warren, S. 2010, 7 Ancient Keys To Happiness, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform
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